TEETHING

At almost six months, rosebud doesn't have any teeth yet, but i'm thinking that look of anguish (not to mention her general fussiness today) means something! watch it go on for another month before we get a tooth.
come on rosie, you can do it!

7" SUNDAY - I LOVE YOU WILSON PICKETT

yes, I am fully aware that it's monday. but i'm sick and forgetful and i couldn't wait until next week because, why would i?
today is dedicated to wilson pickett because i love him and so does rosie in her little jolly jumper.


BONUS SONG!
because it's hilarious and reminds me of my brother.

little love letter

dear rosebud, sometimes you stay up late and i'm tired or sick or i need a shower and the kitchen is a mess and i just can't wait for you to go to sleep.
but when you do, i miss you.
love, mom.

DAY OF THE GIRL

today is day of the girl, so think about this.

mom tears

THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ARTICLE I'VE READ IN AWHILE.

and I read a lot of articles.

I cried. did you?

feel good moment of the day

The feel good, weep inducing moment of the day is brought to you by disney. I was surprised to find this video on Bitch Media's website today, especially knowing how conflicted most feminists are about disney princesses. but it's pretty good!

SEVEN INCH SUNDAYS

this is a new little section of my blog. I've had the idea for awhile (actually, i got it from courtney) and B. just reminded me to get it started by playing DJ with his own personal record collection. He's making a mix-tape for his car! anyway, this is called SEVEN INCH SUNDAY. so obviously, only two songs per post. or four if i'm really excited.

today, two of my favourite sixties rockers, yeow! also a little trip down memory lane, back to our old party days on the lively streets of montreal.



THE SEEDS - CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE YOU MINE

this song is a lazy warm afternoon at the beginning of the summer, beside an open window, sharing a beer and a cigarette with your best friend. it just is.



THE SONICS - HAVE LOVE, WILL TRAVEL

this song is one last dance in a dusky, underground bar before running for the last metro home because, shit, i'm opening the restaurant tommorrow morning and i should have been home an our ago!

hope you like!

oh, also: would you believe me if I said this photo is NOT POSED? she just picked up that record all on her own.

i am a hypocrite

*Why I Stopped Trying to Make My Daughter be Pretty*

if i dream of a world where my daughter will not be objectified, a world where she is valued for her intelligence and kindness rather than for her appearance, why oh why do i wish and hope and pray on my knees for her to be pretty? beautiful, even?

maybe because i know what this world is like, and wouldn't want her to deal with everything that comes with being labelled 'ugly'; maybe because i'm a product of my environment, and i am just another person who values women for their physical attractiveness over their other virtues, or maybe I am just a hypocrite.

thoughts?

on co-sleeping

the world of motherhood is as confusing as it is exciting. there is so much information out there and a lot of it is conflicting and most of it is general guidelines. but every family has a different needs, no?

so: co-sleeping. we did it at first. my mom was kind of horrified by the idea but i liked what i read and even if i hadn't read anything about co-sleeping, once i had that teeny tiny baby in my arms i couldn't even imagine putting her little body in a big scary crib to sleep, so she slept with us.

the first week or two she only slept on me. i was exhausted and nursing A LOT (as tends to be the norm with newborns) so i would nurse her in a sitting up/semi-reclined position and just fall asleep holding her. boy oh boy, was my back ever sore! but it worked for us! i wasn't worried about dropping her or rolling over onto her because, well, i just wasn't. and sure enough, every time i woke up, there she would be in my arms and everything would be hunky-dory. (aside from, you know, being in pain, always. and exhausted. and crying through feedings because it hurt *so much*.) it should also be noted that we had an *arm's reach co-sleeper* all set up, but it's main purpose at this point was holding spare blankeys and (cloth!) diapers.

after about four weeks i (finally) got a hang of the ol' side-lying nursing position, and it changed my life. for real. I COULD SLEEP AGAIN. and sleep i did, with my little rosebud nestled into me. when she needed to feed, she just did!!! i wouldn't even wake up all the time, which was glorious. a feeding every few hours was no longer a painful and torturous endeavour. at this point i pretty much figured everybody who didn't co-sleep must be insane. i was still waking up often, but not having to move made it okay.

sometime between two months and three months postpartum, i began to feel, well, healed, and b. and i were feeling the need for a little bit more intimacy, and that's when that co-sleeper REALLY came in handy. i would transfer rosie over after nursing her to sleep and that would allow us to sleep as we normally would without her little body right there, but she still *was* right there, which was the beauty of it all. she would inevitably wake up at some point during the night and end up back in bed with us, but hey, you take what you can get, right? and we loved her little baby snuggles all the more.

fast-forward to about two or three weeks ago. i read that if you don't get your babe out of your bed by six months, they often don't make the transition until two or three years. i was a little worried. was i ready for that much of a co-sleeping commitment? worried as i was, i wasn't really strongly considering making a change. Then B. says, why don' we just try her out in her crib, just as an experiment? we'll just see how it goes.

verdict? it was no big thing. I think it was harder on me than it was on her. rosebud sleeps super well in her crib. she usually goes down between 930 and 1030 and wakes up anytime between 6-8. i feel we are still inherently connected. I used to have to set 3 alarm clocks when i was working he morning shift because i would sleep through not one, but two alarms. now, i just kind of jolt awake and then sneak into her room to find her smiling and playing in her crib in the morning light. it's adorable! and validating! and then, guess what? i take her back into bed with me and we snuggle for another couple or few hours, she nurses, i kiss her little head, B. dotes on her, we all share smiles and we get a couple more z's in while we can. and it's AWESOME.

am i taking sides in the bedding debate? AU CONTRAIRE! if there is (and there is) a moral to this exceedingly long and boring to anybody but me story, it's that you should just follow your instincts. they're usually pretty okay.

i wanted to be a co-sleeping mom. and i was. and guess what, i still think i am, because those morning time hours are precious and priceless, and rosie seems content and thriving, so we must be doing okay! sometimes experience, personal, lived-in experience means more than anything you read or hear.

the end.

motion-312

and for today's bonus post, MOTION-312 WAS DEFEATED IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS TODAY! which is a huge victory for the reproductive rights of women in canada. thank god!

FIVE FREAKING MONTHS

rosebud is five months old. she can almost crawl but sometimes gets frustrated when she realized she's just not quite there yet. she rolls from back to front and front to back but sometimes just forgets how to go from front to back and gets frustrated then, too. nothing scooping her up and giving her a cuddle doesn't fix, though.

our room-mate recently got a dog and she just loves animals, especially his dog, dingo. almost every time dingo comes near she breathes heavily from excitement and giggles as dingo sniffs at her. dingo can stop her from fussing by entering the room. she loves the kitty, too, but the kitty is a little less stoked on her, so they haven't really bonded yet the way dingo and rosie have.

she loves lots of kisses, especially on her hand and her chubby little tummy.

she still loves music and dances, often in time to the music, when in her jolly jumper.

and her smile could brighten the darkest of days.

oh, and today me and auntie hannah fed her BEETS! I know you are supposed to wait until 6 months, but she is showing a lot of interest so i have been giving her tastes. she held the spoon herself and lunged forward, gobbling down all that beety goodness.

and then there are those days when rosebud doesn't nap and is a bit of a fuss pot all day long. I don't want to complain because, by the sounds of it, rosie is a pretty laid-back, low maintenance baby, but i still have those days where all i can think to say is: ALRIGHT, I'M DOING MY BEST HERE, OKAY!?

so here's to some of the best and most challenging days of my life. i love you, little bud.

growing pains

today we went to visit our dear dear friends, just three days after the birth of their little guy, clarence. (they came to see us in the hospital when rosie was just one day old, immediately after they found out they were having a boy!) The minute we got in the door i burst into tears. happy tears for them, because i was so happy to see this of this perfect little being and the way they were transitioning from a couple to a family. I know that feeling! it's a good (if overwhelming) feeling!

but also tears of sadness, because meeting little clarence made me realize HOW BIG ROSEBUD IS! she is SO BIG! through my tears I looked at b. and said, "see, i told you she's not little anymore!"

and so, despite it being one of the happiest of occasions, my heart broke just a little bit today.

clarence with his daddy and rosebud with me!

that awkward moment...

that awkward moment you find yourself rubbing your belly (as you did when you were with child) and not only are you no longer pregnant, but your baby is almost five months old!

not i'm going to watch armageddon, because that's what i do when B. is out of town!

5 songs to sing to a baby

something about "blossom of snow may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever" just resonated with me. what can i say, with a baby girl named roseud, OF COUSE floral imagery speaks to me! plus *the sound of music* is one of my all time favourite movies.

i love these canadian female folk heroes and this song reminds me of our pregnant tour days. and on days where i'm feeling cabin fever-ish it reminds me how sweet life is with the ones you love. "i don't want to leave you, i love you through and through"

because some miracle brought her love to me. and i LOVE sam cooke.

the beatles at their best! Rosebud LOVES jolly jumping to this one!

i know three out of the four of these ladies and they are awesome. this song is about a love interest but who knows, you COULD sing it to your baby too. right?

gorgeous

eyelashes

have you ever had a baby so darling and so dear, with such wonderfully long eyelashes, that you just wish you could put mascara on them just once *just to see how they would look*?

i do. wonder, i mean. every day.

but you know, mascara is probably pretty harmful, especially for little baby eyes, and besides, the idea of putting mascara on a little baby girl is pretty unsettling, no?

PS. My camera is pretty decrepit, so this is about the best picture you'll see of rosie's eyelashes. it does them no justice.

PPS. it is raining tonight and it sounds wonderful.

rosebud at 4.5 months

rosie. oh, rosie

i missed rosie's 4 month birthday. i was away visiting my family on vancouver island and, well, they live far away and i'll be damned if i was going to spend that time on the computer.

i wasn't. i was going to spend it with my loyal, caring mother, my quirky, beloved father and my vibrant original partner in crime, my brother.

but for the sake of posterity, here is rosebud at four-and-a-half months!
rosebud, my sweet chubbalub, the twinkle of my eye, my get up and go and my star of the show.
four months was a big milestone! you rolled over a week or so before your four month-day and once you hit that special day, we couldn't put you down without rolling over... and getting stuck! you are so determined, my little bean. and every day you amaze and bewilder us with your communication! you are so so interactive and just love having our attention. one of us will do, but two is better, right bud? Now you're really REALLY rolling all over the place! you can practically sit up by yourself! i cry when i think about how big and grown up you are!
you can stop now, okay?

all good natured and looking like her daddy. sigh.

i really DON'T want to miss a thing!

I usually tell only close, non-judgey freinds this, but here i go telling the world.

my favourite movie OF ALL TIME is *armageddon*. I cry EVERY TIME!
for one thing, i just love cheesy action movies. the other thing, though, is that i was a bit of a daddy's girl growing up.

My dad was in the military when i was a kid and, although he was an air force man, he worked on the helicopters that were on naval ships for a long time and use to go away A LOT. we always got by alright but i was just a little kid and some days i would wonder if m daddy would ever come back. something about the scene with liv tyler and bruce wllis saying their final goodbyes on the screen really gets me going. as in bawling. i've seen the movie countless times and i'm seriously talking every. single. time. embarassing, i know. i also happen to find ben affleck mega dreamy. i don't care what you think.

thing is, i remember people saying that it was a touch creepy that liv tyler's own father, steve tyler sings the love theme for the film (and she appears in the aerosmith video.) i never really found it creepy. my attitude always was, you get a gig, you do the gig. ever a musician's wife, i guess.

then b's brother's wedding happened. and *i don't want to miss a thing* came on. it was one of the few moments at the wedding reception that i was actually holding rosie. let's just say she is one popular baby. i though nothing of it and started slow dancing with her, when my epiphany hit. for one thing, there is certainly a romance between liv tyler and ben affleck in *armageddon*, but really it's a sub-plot. the real story revolves around the complicated yet loving relationship between liv tyler and her on screen dad, bruce willis. the other thing is, *i don't want to miss a thing* is NOT a romantic love song, but a love song from a parent to a child. i was hearing it through new ears. and tears were streaming down my face. rosie's dress was soaked. all sorts of extended family members were most likely giving me confused looks. rosebud was feigning indifference. i was oblivious.
and that's how *I don't want to miss a thing* became our song.

where does time go?

feminism in motherhood

i have been reading and thinking a lot lately about one aspect of motherhood in general: feminism. no, they are not mutually exclusive, but, for me at the very least and i'm sure for countless other women, bound and intertwined.

how to i teach feminism to my daughter? how do i ensure that she grows to become an intelligent and self-aware woman who knows her boundaries and respects herself. How can i help her create for herself a fulfilling future? how can i instill a confidence in her that doesn't require the shaming of others?

and for now, how do i nurture my beautiful, inquisitive baby girl while still prioritizing myself and my needs?

so far, i don't have any of the answers to these questions. i am only doing my best. (is my best good enough?)

these are themes i really hope to touch on in this dear old blog of mine. the title of my blog is a play on words meant to invoke the rock and roll spirit and lifestyle, but is also about rocking the boat: asking hard questions and maybe voicing some not so popular opinions. I'm still working on truly articulating my feelings and simply trying to keep up a fairly good quality, interesting blog, but i hope as i grow these subjects will come into play more and more often and my blog will be more meaningful than just a few poorly lit family photographs. (i mean of course, meaningful on a worldly scale, after all, what could be more meaningful to me and my family than the very moments captured in those photos?) i want to touch peoples lives and inspire productive thinking.
stay tuned.

rosie waltzes

i'm expecting to be MIA for awhile. Blake and I are going out of town on sunday for his brother's wedding, and i am soo excited! until then, though, i have a lot of things to get done around the house and while we're there we'll be very busy. quite honestly, i'm still not used to this blogging all the time business (i'm trying!) so i'll just do the best i can and not give myself too hard of a time about it.

to tide you folks over for awhile, here is a video chronicling rosie's very first time in her jolly jumper. she doesn' really understand how to jump just yet, but for a few bars of this video, she does a near perfect waltz. go rosebud!

next step to freedom!

so yesterday for the first time ever, rosie took a bottle. like actually took it. like took the nipple into her mouth and actually sucked! I have given her a bottle from time to time with limited success. as in, i've had to literally squeeze tiny amounts of milk into her mouth and wait for her to swallow, and then repeat.

I'd heard from various sources that some babies are picky about bottles and their respective nipples and that you just need to find the right bottle. given my meagre parental benefits cheques, i was reluctant to go out and buy every bottle on the market, bt yesterday I was at winners and they had one for sale, so i decided to go for it. and hail mary full of grace, it worked.

so here, against all odds, is one tiny step toward freedom. don't get me wrong, i plan on breastfeeding for as long s i can possibly manage, but here's to the odd night out with the girls, here's to babysitters and maybe going for an occasional lunch with a friend sans baby, and here's to the possibility of me finishing my degree in the foreseeable future! here's to happy motherhood, contented mother and child and just a touch of freedom.

nineties teenagers

as you all know, i have a funny little habit of watching tv while nursing. i'm not exactly proud of it and would probably feel a lot better about doing something like reading books instead, but i've tried that and nursing just seems to make more sense logistically. if only i had an ereader!

my former program of choice was Masterchef Australia and I loved it until the end, but when the season finally wrapped up, I had no idea what to watch. I was looking for something that would be a guilty pleasure and somewhat self-indulgent. hey, if i'm going slumming in tv land i might as well go all the way, right? I love programs like AMC's *The Walking Dead* or HBO's *OZ*, but during nursing time i didn't want anything violent. I've never been one to watch these new reality show programs like housewives of wherever or *jersey shore* and i'm pretty consistently nostalgic for the nineties. something about being a kid and looking at teenagers in awe thinking that one day i would be a teenager just like them! Thing is, i was a teenager in the oh-nos and i never got to be that nineties teenager i always thought i would be. therefore, my choice of nursing program was narrowed down enough that my choice became clear.

my mom never ket me watch it when i was growing up! this is finally my chance to find out who ends up with whom! i'm unreasonably stoked.

anybody else out there have any guilty pleasures you care to share? i'm interested!

baby blues v. 2.0

oh my goodness oh my goodness.

my sister-in-law sweet marie sent rosebud a whole whack of baby girl clothes from thailand... just take a look at rosie in her new dress. those baby blues!!!

ps. feeling much better than the other day. i knew it would pass!

dog days and baby blues

the dog days of summer are upon us.
actually, it's not as hot as it has been, so why am i complaining?

It's just that the days are starting to drag on and most of the exciting things I was looking forward to for the summer are behind us. Our trip out west is still to come and for that i am SO excited, but even so, these last few days i have been in a rut. i'm not going to lie about it, either. some of it is due to the fact that slowly but surely i am starting to feel just trapped. rosie still won't take a bottle. we've tried a few times, possibly not enough, and she still doesn't really understand how to suck on the nipple of a bottle. it just eludes her. i love breastfeeding, but sometimes, god forbid, i just crave a little freedom. as a reformed party girl, i'm feeling the need to have just one night out on the town with some good friends and a few beers. just one night?

i feel like mom's are never supposed to make such declarations. doing so makes us seem self-indulgent, reckless and irresponsible, but i don't think that it should. I love my little bud and she is the most wonderful thing i could ever imagine, but i don't think women should be stigmatized for needing more than just motherhood to feel fulfilled. I know that this is just a typical mid-summer slump and i'll be over it in no time, but i just wanted to put an honest voice out into the world to say that it's okay to want to break free every once and awhile, just as long as you keep your priorities straight.
and now, i've got a dress to sew! for my brother-in-law's wedding... wish me luck!

3 months! (and one day... oops)

rosebud is three months old!

she is now over 14 pounds and almost two feet tall! she smiles more and more every day... except on the grumpy, serious days. she thinks she is a grown up and almost always wants to be sitting or standing up, except when nursing. she even tries to sit up on her own but can't do it and gets tired and frustrated, the sweet little bean.
she giggles sometimes and when she smiles she smiles with her whole face, eyes aglow and cheeks round and soft and pink like a peach.
her little hands are what really does me in. i love when i hold onto her and she grabs my shirt with one hand, or places her little hand on my chest.
why can't we bottle up that feeling and keep it forever? and that baby smell, ohhhh the smell.
keep on smiling, little girl, keep on talking. mama's listening.
xox

(look at that little hand, fingers just tickling me ever so slightly as she looks at her world. oh, sweet little hand.)

camping trip!

Our camping trip was a success!

I think that one key to a successful camping trip with a new little one is taking your first venture into the wilderness to a friend's cabin or some place close to home - for us, it was the former. We went to a good friend of Rosie's Uncle Joe's place. His name is Brent and he has a beautiful little cabin south-west of the city that he shares with his brother. The cabin was great and having it there meant that we ate well and had running water and a flushable toilet accessible at all times. We didn't stay in the cabin, though (even though we could have!) We set up our little tent with an air mattress, a flannel sheet and two sleeping bags. It was lovely!

The fresh air made rosie sleep better than ever and we were free to stay up into the early morning having a few beers and hanging out with our friends without too much worry. We set up the tent far enough away that we didn't have to worry about being too loud but would most certainly hear her if she cried, but we made sure to check on her repeatedly through the night. B. and I still went to bed pretty early and we all had pretty much the best sleep ever. We even had the chance to go for a quick boat ride (a friend watched rosie for us, thanks!) and swim the next day!!! We'll definitely be doing this again, and soon!

here are a few choice photo's from what was one of the best camping trips ever!

(the nearby lake was called lac st. francois, and is part of the st. lawrence seaway. this part of the lake pretty much spans the quebec, ontario and US borders and is just beautiful. So clean, too! I sincerely hope to have the opportunity to be on it again, and soon!)

a family affair.

we are finally taking rosebud camping this weekend. wish us luck!

B. is playing a little music fest and I'll just say right now my new favourite thing is when he plays shows that are kid friendly so that we can make it a full family affair.

On wednesday, B. played a show with one of his many bands, filly and the flops. Their lead singer, Felicity, is due at the end of september but still given'r hard and soo good. I just love being a feisty lady on stage with a big ol' baby belly to boot! The show was great and it was an outdoor, all ages event and I saw kids of all ages there shaking their little behinds! Rosie is such a trooper. we danced for awhile and I nursed her a bit before she fell asleep on Felicity's Aunt as the evening drew to a close and it was pretty much the best time i've had for while. As much fun as it was when none of us had friends and we drank and sang into the early hours of the morning, I'm so so happy with our lives with new little babes to share in the fun. These are precious moments i don't want to forget.

rosie plays piano!

yesterday, rosie and her daddy did one of the cutest thngs they have other done together, and I am going to post it all over the internet because yes, i am one of those moms.
here she is!!!

hubby thinks she is a natural because she actually uses her individual fingers to play notes rather than just slamming on the keys with her hands. obviously i agree.

5 reasons Masterchef Australia is 'heaps' better than Masterchef US

In the days when rosie was a newborn and we were still working on hitting our stride with nursing, i needed a tv show to watch that could take my mind off of my pain/discomfort and get me through long feedings when I could not move an inch lest totally ruin our nursing session. Those were the days before The Nanny was on netflix, so somehow, on one unremarkable day, Masterchef Australia became this show.
Our tedious breastfeeding times are over and we kick ass at it now but i still love to watch it! and I watch the US one too! But for anybody who cares, which I assume is nobody, this is a list of five reasons why Masterchef Australia beats Masterchef US in the contest of my opinion.

1- it airs 5 days a week.
simple logic means that even if masterchef AU didn't offer better than it's US counterpart in quality (which it does), it would still most likely win just because there is more of it.

2- the contestants actually like each other.
Like actually! they help each other! they don't talk bad about one another! They hug each other often! Masterchef AU is like a beautiful cooking utopia where everybody is nice and avocados grow on trees. If I had to decide which was a better country all round based only on these two tv shows, Australia would win hands down. (no offense, americans, but masterchef US kind of just makes everybody look like a huge dick)

3- the judges actually care about the contestants
They help them out! They offer them tips and tricks and i'll be darned if I can remember any one time where they berated, shamed or otherwise belittled any of the contestants. Even when they do have negative things to say about somebodies food, they do it in a nice almost apologetic way. I love them.

4- I've actually learned something!
At the end of each week, they have this thing called the masterchef masterclass where the judges and some guest chefs teach the contestants how to make some of their signature dishes and offer up tricks of the trade. Combine this masterclass with the little tidbits of culinary expertise that are thrown in each of the other episodes and you have a show that actually kind of enriches this viewer's life. Thanks Masterchef AU!

5- The drama doesn't seem as contrived.
This is kind of related to number 2, but different. It also is kind of related to 'reality' tv in general. Basically, when watching Masterchef US, you kind of get the impression after awhile that the contestants are encouraged to shit talk each other and the editors are encouraged to make every mundane detail into the hugest drama ever. subsequently, everything seems dishonest and eventually my desire to beat my head against a wall strts to win out over my desire to actually finish the episode. Masterchef AU does have it's drama and uses the typical cliffhanger-before-commercial-break trick, but all in all i find it much less desperate for ratings than Fox' US version, which isn't much of a surprise in itself.

BONUS REASON!
It's a novelty!
let's face it, it's just kind of got this adorable quality about it just because as a canandian i am exposed to the odd (usually pretty bad) bit of Canadian programming, but most of the shows i watch are produced in the US about people in the US. Masterchef AU is a beautiful gust of fresh air. (and yes, they have accents.)

Masterchef Australia
this isn't a sponsored post, i actually just really love the show.

goodbye little buddy

Blake's parents left yesterday morning after being in town all week. We all had a great time but it was a bit of a whirlwind of activity.

Thursday afternoon, the in-laws took rosie and I to Canadian tire where we picked up some things for the house. I also finally picked up a collar with a bell on it for our one-year-old kitty, JJ, who has been known to kill a bird or two in his time. On Friday evening I started to get really worried because I hadn't seen JJ yet and I was looking forward to putting on his new collar. the weather was great so i pushed my worries aside and told myself he was probably just exploring the neighbourhood. I wish this had been true.

When we woke up on Saturday morning, Blake's parents complained of a bad smell in the air and my heart stopped. Blake found our JJ right away, curled up in our front yard, under the stairs leading to the apartments above ours... he was gone.

my heart is broken. I feel awful because he was such a good little kitty, but since rosebud was born I haven't been showering him with the love her deserved. I wish that we had looked for him sooner and that we could have somehow helped him, even though I know we probably couldn't have. Blake says he thinks he was hit by a car and it seems as though his injuries would have killed him pretty much right away. I just hope he wasn't in much pain and that in his final moments he knew that he was a good boy and loved by his family.

We had JJ for less than a year, but he was a special part of our family. When we adopted him, he had been save from the streets by the mother of a friend. She was looking for a home for him because she couldn't keep him, and when I saw the picture of him she had posted to facebook I knew he had to be mine; his colouring matched that of my childhood kitty Shadow, who passed away last year. JJ started out skittish and shy. The first week he lived with us he spent hiding under the frame of our futon. We nurtured him with love and he became confident but always had a sweet curiosity that made him a pleasure to be around. During much of my pregnancy I was lethargic and miserable, but JJ was always there for me and his love and companionship soothed me through those rough days. He was my baby before my real baby came.

goodbye my sweet JJ, mommy still loves you and always will.

don't suri, be happy.

for about the last five years or so, I have figured that if blake and I ever had a baby girl, she would probably look a bit like suri cruise. a swath or dark hair, pink lips, chubby cheeks and clear blue eyes; the makings of a baby girl. It's crazy but so powerful to think that in this baby, I recognized some connection to my own conceived baby girl.

I guess this is why i self-indulge and scan through photos of suri whenever I see them in the gossip rags. and on the internet. oops. What always strikes my first is not how beautiful she is, but how lonely she looks. If suri is rosie's celebrity baby look-alike, then a hope the difference is that rosie is always smiling and surrounded by people who love her.

so, does little rosebud look anything like baby suri did? well, the resemblance isn't uncanny, but of all the celebrity babies i have seen, little suri was closest. what do you think?

my girl at two months

rosebud was two months old yesterday!

oh, my baby girl, you are divine. your eyes melt holes in my soul. your little lips are like the eight natural wonder of the world. when you put one of your little hands on my shoulder or my chest or my hand it just kills me, and best of all is your emerging character, little smiles and a determined spirit that bring me and your daddy and just about everybody who knows you such immense delight. i love you rosie, never leave me!

rosie is as observant as she ever was and i see a fierce determination in her. she hates to be held like a baby, ie. in the cradle position... she is no baby any more. Although she still doesn't fuss or cry a lot, as she learns to do new things she has more conviction in what she wants and is never afraid to let us now. now, she wants to be in a sitting position or even standing! she has strong little legs and can stand up all on her own, as long as we balance her. she is beautiful, with pale skin and clear, inquisitive blue eyes and i hope that she is always as curious, beautiful and determined as she is now.

p.s. she had her first shots today and, although a little fussier than usual, she took them like a champ! she has also all but doubled her birthweight. we could not be more proud.

bad blogger

aww man, I have become such a bad blogger! I really want this blog to flourish for multiple reasons, but most importantly a a time capsule for myself, and maybe one day for rosie. i think it would be wonderful for her to be able to read about herself through my eyes one day. I also want people to actually read it! because I am vain and i think my life is somewhat interesting and i think some people might agree. So here it is, my resolution to do better, Just please, bear with me and my poor punctuation and my reluctance to capitalize, ever. most of my entries will probably be done as I am nursing so these things have a tenancy to kind of fall by the wayside.

I think one of the most things to remember is that even if i don't have a lot of time, one little picture and a few sentences can suffice! so here goes:
Blake and i are taking Rosie to the country today and I couldn't be happier. I love the city, especially during the summer, but it can be overwhelming and (literally) toxic. If we have to raise rosie in the city, gosh darnit, i'll be damned if i don't make sure that she has one foot firmly planted in the country, as well. this is really sort of hinting at a post that I'm planning for another time now, so I'll leave it at that.

on father's day last weekend, we took rosebud to the montreal folk festival sur le canal which is hosted by one of our dear friends matt large and his wife rebecca. it was wonderful and blake performed a few songs while rosie and i sat with one of my best friends, nastassia, in the dog poop, oops i mean grass(ew). Fortunately even that experience couldn't spoil my day. Here is a family photo she took of us!

I wish you could see my outfit better! I was going for a jackie o sort of look and i think i looked kind of glamourous... minus the cheesy white sunglasses i got in vancouver when i was sixteen!

the best parts of breastfeeding.

just before she latches, rosebud open her eyes wide and makes a perfect o with her mouth and makes a little noise like 'uh! uh! uh!' and it's so adorable. also, her first ever smiles were ones only for me that she would give me just after nursing and that one hand kneading my breast as she nurses when she is especially hungry or excited just kills me. she also likes to use my breast as a pillow and if she does it at nap time, nothing gets done because how am i supposed to move? I can rarely bring myself to do it.

independence

two nights ago i was laying in bed with my rosebud, trying to get her to go to sleep and then suddenly, I just got up and walked away. she wasn't asleep yet, but I had to pee and wanted to to talk to the boys (Blake and our roommate Joey), so I did. After a few minutes, i still hadn't heard a peep from our little seedling, so I didn't check on her quite yet. A few more minutes passed and still the only sound that came from the bedroom was silence. Finally, after about 15 minutes I went in to see if what i had supposed was in fact correct. It was: she was asleep! I was so proud of her! Just a day old and she had already fallen asleep all by herself.

Tonight, I tried it again. i was getting ready to lie down with her to nurse her to sleep but when I put her down she didn't fuss or grunt, she just looked around with sleepy, peaceful eyes and blinked slowly, so I walked away. Ten minutes later she was stirring, but only the way she normally stirs in the beginning of sleep stages. Another ten minutes and she was out for good. Go Rosie!

I don't expect every night to be this easy, but knowing that she can make that transition from calm drowsiness into dreamland on her own gives me surges of pride and gives me the feeling that we must be doing SOMETHING right. It also reminds me that already, at only one month old, she is an independent being, a human in her own right, and although she needs my nourishment and my comforting touch she is in this world to conquer it on her own.

The pride I feel is strong and unmistakable, but the bittersweet knowledge that one day she won't really need me at all is palpable, too. I love you, rosie.

1 month!

Rosie is one month old today! she smiles, but not too often, she saves her smiles for special times. she is very serious and inquisitive, she loves looking around at anything and everything and she always seems to be deep in thought. she doesn't cry too much, but seems to save it all up for the evening time just before bed. You can soothe her by nursing her frequently for short periods of time, talking to her and walker her around the neighbourhood or the apartment. Sometimes when those things don't work, it's best to just let her cry for a couple of minutes to get it all out! Once she's said her piece she feels better and calms down easily. She only wakes up once or twice a night and rarely ever cries, she usually just makes loud sucking noises, smacks her lips and grunts until mommy wakes up. our little piglet! she hates baths and loves to go for walks in the sling or stroller but her favourite seems to be car rides... she's our little tour baby! when you put her down she squirms all over the place but she hasn't quite figured out how to roll over (she's close though, i can feel it!) so far, she can only roll from her side to her belly, and let's face it, that's the easy one! we love her so so much... obviously! Happy one month birthday, little Rosebud! What we call her rosebud rosie the bud the grub little worm little piglet hungry hungry hippo little seedling turtle

anne geddes ftw

awesome possum

Today was a pretty great day, all in all. I even had the chance to make some pretty good macaroni and cheese (from scratch) for dinner and catch up on my Mad Men (whilst breastfeeding.) The last two weeks have been a challenge but the most wonderfully rewarding one. every day i see my baby (that i made!) growing and changing and it just takes my breath away and makes my heart feel like it's glowing inside my chest. In order to tide you all over and let you know that yes, rosie and I are still going strong, here is a video of her being deliciously cute. Please just forgive my ridiculous baby voice.

the good times are killing me

Breastfeeding is wonderful but absolutely excruciating. Tommorrow I will be calling La Leche League and hopefully getting myself an appointment with a Lactation Consultant, pronto! Otherwise, Rosie is just an absolute angel and me and her father are in love (along with just about anybody else who has met her.) I wish I could post more pictures, but the battery in our camera is dead and I can't find the charger!

Rosebud Elizabeth Pearl: A Novel

At just over 41 weeks I was starting to get concerned about being induced. At my 41 week appointment on Wednesday, April 25th, I allowed me obgyn to strip my membranes, but he still scheduled an induction for the following Tuesday, just in case. When I called and told my mom, she was pretty disappointed. She was schedules to arrive the next morning and was leaving on Wednesday- if I were to be induced it would mean she would have less than a day to spend with her first grandchild.

My day was fairly uneventful, I felt a bit of cramping after having my membranes stripped but I didn’t really feel like anything was happening. I had bought a bottle of castor oil the day before so I took a little bit… not even a full dose though. Despite not feeling much, I did decide I should make sure the guest bedroom was ready for my mom, just in case.

That night DH and I went to bed and watched some TV. I could feel my BH contractions were becoming more intense and painful and I knew it was the real deal. When our last episode ended I told him that it was no big deal, but that I was having contractions and that he should be ready. At this point they were already pretty painful but I was doing a pretty good job of meditating through them.

DH fell asleep right away and I couldn’t handle squirming around in bed next to him anymore. I ran myself a bath and while it was soothing, I was pretty uncomfortable in our tiny bathtub, so after about an hour I moved into the guest bedroom, where I calmly comforted myself through contractions in the dark. I’m pretty proud of these moments because of how well I felt that I dealt with labour on my own for the very first time. I texted my mom at about 3am to let her know she might have to meet us at the hospital.

At about 4am I tried to wake DH to go to the hospital but he was still out like a light. I made him a pot of coffee anyway and continued to work through my contractions on my own. At this point my contractions were probably about a minute long and coming every 5 minutes or so. At 6am I finally woke DH and told him he should be ready to go when my mom arrived and I texted her to let her know she could meet us at home but that she too should be ready to go right away. I think DH was shocked to watch me work through a few contractions and finally realized I was in labour and this baby was coming! My water broke at 7am, about 10 minutes before my mom arrived.

We left right away for the hospital but had to turn back when I realized I forgot my file… oops! My contractions slowed down a bit on the way to the hospital but since my water had broken they became much more intense. When we were halfway to the hospital I emphatically stated that if I was 3cm dilated or less, I wanted an epidural IMMEDIATELY! Who gives a crap about natural birth, anyway?

Fortunately we were admitted into a labour room right away and I was disappointed to be put down on a bed and attached to external fetal monitors right away, especially since the elastic they used to attach the monitor seemed to only make my contractions more intense. I was introduced to my nurse, Mary-Maude a soft yet authoritative Haitian women whom I hated and loved. She was so so good at putting me in my place, which was pretty much exactly what I needed. She told me to stop moaning as I was wasting my breath, I needed to just breathe and concentrate through my contractions and I would be able to get through them more easily. They checked my cervix and I was dilated to 2. I hated myself for it, but I think I must have been having some back labour because although I was feeling pain and pressure in my abdomen, the radial burning pain I had in my lower back was what really left me screeching for relief. After maybe an hour of labour at the hospital, I asked for the anesthesiologist. I talked to her about my options a bit and decided I still didn’t want the epidural, but I did want to try the IV of some unspecified painkiller, which she said would take the edge off my labour pain. My husband was supportive but told me he was a little surprised that I was opting for painkillers after I had so adamantly insisted over the last 8 months that I wanted to have a drug-free childbirth experience. I pretty much told him he could stuff it and to let me know how it went if HE ever made it through a drug free labour. I was pretty annoyed with everybody at this point and was having more success working through my contractions alone anyway, so my DH left to go get a few things from home that we had forgotten when we left that morning. After all, I was only a 2 and would probably be laboring until at least later that evening. At some point right around this time, Mary-Maude came in and got tough with me; she told me that I still had a long way to go and that I couldn’t have a shot and decide to go for the epidural later. She also suggested that my labour was going to get more intense, so I’d be better off waiting until my pain was really unmanageable before resorting to drugs for pain relief. I told her that I thought that labour already was unmanageable because of the intensity of my back pain, but she told me that she could see I was strong and she was confident that I could make it through this stage of labour be concentrating on my breathing. Even though I still wanted relief from the pain, I relented and she told the anesthesiologist to come back in a few hours.

After DH left and the anesthesiologist was sent packing, things quieted down quite a bit and my mom fell asleep. I was working through my contractions as they became more and more painful but surprisingly was able to sleep between contractions. I think this was the only way I could manage the pain on my own, and my meditation through this stage of labour was to imagine myself in a small dark room alone. I got up to pee and had a contraction on the toilet which was a nice change from the ones I had been having on the bed (I had imagined myself feeling comfort by walking through contractions but that was actually the worst for me, I also hated being on my hands and knees. Fetal position or on my back were the best for me.) What surprised me most about my contraction on the toilet, though, was that my body all of a sudden started to push. Since I had only been at the hospital at this point for about three or four hours, I was a little bit scared that something might be wrong. I was about to call for the nurse when she and the other staff came in to check me again. It was about noon.

The first doctor ob-gyn, an intern, checked me but wasn’t super confident and called in another doctor to double check me. The second doctor came in and told everybody: she’s ready to go and this baby is small, she’s going to squeeze it right out! I was thrilled to know that I was already fully dilated (!!!) and my mom was in shock as she had just slept through the last two or three hours of my labour but my DH was still gone! In the mean time I was really fighting my body to stop pushing through contractions and keep the baby inside me until DH got back. Finally about 15 minutes later after a mad dash through mid-day traffic, DH arrived and I was finally allowed to start pushing FOR REAL. Only thing was, my contractions had slowed right down (I think because of my fighting against them for the past half hour or so.) The doctors made me push anyway and our beautiful daughter was born after about a half an hour of pushing (which felt sooooo good) at 12:46pm. I had a small episiotomy (which I hadn’t wanted but didn’t give a damn to fight against in that moment) that resulted in a minor 2nd degree tear but was otherwise in great shape and shocked when I realized that I had given my birth to my baby girl without any drugs, lucid and completely present for the entire experience. I am still soo proud! She looked just like a little rosebud to me from the minute she was born, and after a day with no name DH and I decided to go with my first instinct and call he what she was… our little rosebud. We call her Rosie for short and it suits her so well. She’s sweet but very feisty… she was screaming before she was fully delivered, but her father puts it best when he says “she came out singing!”

6lbs 7.5 ounces with a full head of dark hair that sticks straight up!

FOOTNOTE: I later found out from my mom that DH had pulled Mary-Maude aside in the hallway and told her about my birth plan and my goals of having a drug free birth. He basically told her that he knew I could do it; I just needed reaffirmation that he couldn’t give me… DH knows that I would have just told him to shove it, but I would respond well Mary-Maude’s gentle yet strict authority, he was right. In the days leading up to my labour I was worried that he wouldn’t be able to give me the assistance I thought I would need, coaching me through my labour and looking out for my best interests, but I was completely wrong… he stayed out of my way and stood up for me when I doubted myself and I love him more than ever for it.

OH BABY!

I had a baby!!!! I'm planning on writing out my birth story and putting up a few little pictures for all you faithful follower(s), but for now let me just inform you all that our Rosebud Elizabeth Pearl was born April 26th at 12:46 pm at the hospital with, get this... NO DRUGS! I am so proud of myself and proud of her too. We are completely in love and hilariously pretty much threw all of our name choices away once we met her. We call her Rosie and she is absolutely delicious.

here she is with her daddy!

induction... or not?

Still no baby! To be honest, I'm not completely surprised. For one thing, this baby wasn't *exactly* planned. I have no idea when my last menstrual period was. at all. So when the doctor determined the gestational age of this little person, it was based on ultrasounds, which I hear aren't all together accurate. In fact, at our 20 week ultrasound (which we had at about 24 weeks, oops!) the ultrasound technician told us she would suggest changing the due date to April 21st. Our doctor kept our original due date, but the 21st always seemed more reasonable to me for whatever reason. I'm also not surprised because I only just finished all of the assignments I had been working on to finish up my courses this morning. I had to ask for a couple of extensions, which I never ever do, by the way, but I'm finally finished! Maybe now I'll be able to send the baby some come hither vibes. I want to meet my little one!

I'm getting a bit anxious now. As I said, our doctor chose to keep our original due date, which was April 16th (my mom's birthday!) Our doctor has also told us that he would only let my pregnancy go ten days 'late' before inducing labour. I DO NOT want to be medically induced! At all! I am much much more comfortable with the idea of this baby coming on its own. My mom is also coming to stay with us for a week on Thursday, and so there is more than one reason I would like to have my baby in my arms before then. I love my mom and know that it would be helpful if she were around for the birth, but I would really, really like for B. and I to be able to spend time with our child together before anybody else shows up. The whole idea overwhelms me. My ideal is me spending the first week in bed with the baby figuring things out as B. gravitates around us, loving us and helping me but also having the opportunity to do so at his own will. Then again, this is my first time: who knows what I want?

So today was a day of me trying to gently encourage the appearance of this baby by wednesday. Although I am uncomfortable with the idea of being medically induced, I have sort of embraced a more holistic approach by using some of the suggested 'natural' inducing techniques that can be found on the net. Today I: took Evening Primrose Oil orally (something I have been doing for the last few days,) drank Red Raspberry Leaf tea, ate fresh pineapple, cleaned the house and went grocery shopping (nesting!) drank a glass of wine, tried meditating positive birth vibes, had a special moment with B. and tried nipple stimulation, all of which can help to naturally induce labour. I bought Castor Oil but I have reservations about taking it so I'm planning to hold off for now. So far all of this has resulted in nothing but some good ol' Braxton Hicks. Fun as it is when they don't hurt, I almost wish they did! Am I crazy? Am I ready for this?

I'll let y'all know how I'm feeling in the morning.

April 21st

I was really hoping today would be the day! I even had a dream that I was going into labour...

update: t-3 days

I'm still pregnant! My due date is on Monday, but I have been telling myself all along that I would be over-due in attempts to psychologically prepare myself for going over the 40 week marker. Apparently it hasn't worked quite as well as I had hoped, however, because I am impatient and uncomfortable. This last week has been a doozy and not only that but I am still struggling to complete the last of my assignments for the semester. Egad! Here's a poor quality blackberry photo of me at the snack table at my vernissage last night to hold you all over until my next post.

packing

as in unpacking boxes and packing on the pounds. I have gained SO MUCH weight, I am seriously afraid of what my body will look like when this pregnancy is over. I wish I could pretend like I don't care but I really truly honestly do. In other news, the baby has dropped! We are so close now! I have a million assignments left for school and I can't get a lick of work done. In other words, my life is a disaster and I barely care because I'm going to have a baby so soon. ALSO: The new place is looking amazing! We have been working so hard and I'm so so happy to suddenly have this new wonderful home. I will post photos soon.

this is where we used to live

This may or may not be our last night in this apartment. We are only moving downstairs, into a much bigger place. I am really excited to move on and open this new chapter of our lives, but I am so so sad. This was our second apartment together but I feel like it is where blake and I built our lives together and i'm completely heartbroken to be leaving. I haven't felt this sentimental in a long time. I should always take more photos of my life, so many treasured moments are always passing us by. I feel like I'm in high school again!

We're moving!

Not yet, but soon. and I'm losing my mind!

cornell

i am working on a project, a suitcase love-letter to my baby child, a storybook biography in a box. I am trying to find inspiration and looking at work by the wonderful joseph cornell. I'll post pictures as soon as I'm finished, but it's going to take awhile.

isn't it pretty?

untitled, by joseph cornell.

vivre la poutine!

I can never tell whether I am hungry or not because I always want to eat everything but I always feel so full! As a result I just overeat and moan about it or forget to eat until I give myself a panic attack. Quel dommage.

oh, and vivre la poutine. image from food guy montreal.

before bebe

I love my unborn baby and am sooo excited to be a mother, but I'm also really looking forward to getting out on the town again, one day.

and here's hoping those clothes will fit again!

i love peep-toes

I bought these shoes last year (in black) and honestly, they stretched out pretty quickly and have a pretty thin sole - not exactly the greatest quality shoes around. BUT they are pretty much my very favourite shoe in all other regard. I'm tall so i like a low heel, and since this is a wedge i know I can wear these shoes out dancing or walking home with groceries (or baby!) in tow without having any discomfort or difficulty walking. I also think the plain black wedge goes with just about everything. I love nothing if not a flexible shoe. Thing is, with the fore-mentioned flaws in mind, when my last pair finally fell apart (after I wore them day in and day out last summer,) I told myself I would only buy these shoes again if they were half the price.

They're finally on clearance! Not quite half the price but spring is on the way and i can be a little compulsive when I shop online. In other words, i bought two pairs. Maybe not the greatest use of money with baby on the way, but something tells me I won't regret it.

qvc

billings.

Today I am somewhat randomly missing one day of our trip through the States. One special antique store in Billings, Montana. I can't even remember what state this photo was taken in (montana? wyoming?) but something about the sun in Montreal today reminds me of that day and one long road home.

found it!

I found it! It of course being the scarf Beyonce is wearing draped over Blue Ivy in the signature baby-wearing photos that were released this week. As happy I am that I found this scarf, i'm kind of disappointed that she's not just wearing a leopard or cheetah print baby carrier. I have been searching the internet for one but so far haven't found exactly what I would like. I'm not a floral type of girl, what can I say?

the scarf, along with some other gorgeous pieces, can be found here.

an anecdote

Today, on my way home from going to pick up some cloth diapers, I stopped to get some groceries. 15% cream was on sale, and being that cream is delicious and I like to cook with it often, I decided I would buy some. Upon putting said cream in my cart, I took note of the expiry date to make sure that I wasn't buying cream that would expire next week. It was then that I noticed that the cream was labelled best before April 21st, which is five days AFTER my due date.

So there it is folks, I have cream that expires after my due date. I'm freaking the f*ck out.

sadie hawkins

Happy leap year day, everybody! I can feel a growing baby under my ribcage and I'm looking for good deals on cloth diapers when i should be doing housework or homework. so be it! I forgot to tell you all about my surprise baby shower that happened on sunday! I was completely bamboozled, fresh from work, and one of my very best friends had even thought to by me a brand new party dress for the occasion. it was wonderful and I have eaten nothing but cake for the past three days as a result. I will post pictures once they are developed (yes, developed! they got me a disposable camera for all my hard copy souvenir needs.) Thanks to all my wonderful girlfriends. you are so loved.

memory lane

I'm just missing my hubby while he's away and taking a little trip down memory lane by looking at pictures of him in the early days of our relationship, back when he was playing in my favourite band of all time.

He is, at the very least in my eyes, a raging hunk of a man.

love you, baby.

diy maternity shots

yesterday morning, fresh out of bed, pillow wrinkles still creased into my cheeks, I decided to take some pictures. Inspired by two images i found on Pinterest (yes, I have one too!) I decided to give my own pretty pregnancy silhouette pic a shot.

Aren't these two photos jut lovely? I'm crazy about the grainy texture and the dramatic affect that comes through the contrast without the aid of a lot of detail.

I had to rearrange furniture a bit a construct a tripod with my coffee table and a stool, but eventually i (kind of) got the effect I was looking for. Here are my two favourite shots! I took a couple of nudie ones, too, but those are for me and B.'s eyes only... sorry folks!

I'd like to try it again with the assistance of somebody else. It's hard to get just the right angle when you're running back and forth trying to ensure the timer is working properly, but overall I think they worked out well.

What do you think?

tommorrow's party.

B. is away on tour, he left yesterday and I already don't quite know what to do with myself! Tommorrow evening will bring a reunion with my old friend, Sarah, who is currently living in St. John's, Newfoundland, completing her Master's in Philosophy. I am most excited at the prospect of seeing her again after a long time away and also excited because I plan on making this.

delicious, no?

I'll let you know how it goes.

Sarah and I, about a million years ago. Probably at some rockabilly show, naturally.

the show!

Hey everybody! The valentine's day show went off without a hitch (yes, i realize it wasn't on valentines day, but it just has such a nice ring to it!) I felt puffy but ended up having a great time, despite doing door all night. The bump was quite a conversation starter, to be sure! B. and the boys knocked everybody out of the park and played an awesome set. i didn't do quite as much dancing as usual but still managed to make it on to the dance floor for some of my favourites. My bladder did have an effect on this, however. At one point during his set B. played a song written about me called Terrible Tara Belle. He announced the song ahead of time and dedicated it to me, telling the crown what an awesome wife and soon to be baby mama i was to him and asked me to come dance out front for my special song. Problem was, I was on the can having a little piddle! Rockabilly songs are so short that by the time I was finished up and had made it to the fron of the stage, the song was ending! Better luck next time, I guess.

My biggest regret? I lost track of time and didn't get to put on my make-up! I guess if that is my biggest regret then it must have been pretty great! Oh, and one more: We ended up having a bunch of people crash at our little apartment that night, all of them arriving pretty late and waking me up. All was well in the end, but being pregnant and exhausted doesn't seem to be a great combination for my temperament.

Valentine's Party!

I am just getting ready for a big ol' show. It's me and B.'s sixth annual Valentine's Day show and dance! Blake books the bands and picks up the gear and plays the show and I decorate, usually get quite tipsy and work the door. This year will be sans tipsy, obviously, but fortunately the bar serves non-alcoholic beer so I will not have to go without my beloved beers.

I am all dressed up wearing the only red shirt that fits. I tried another one on that I successfully wore to a SNAP! party about a week before I was pregnant and I looked ridiculous. My boobs really have gotten massive. They were popping out the top and even at the armpits where the armpit holes are. I still feel large and squished as an overstuffed sausage but at least my clothes fit. Thank goodness for Forever XXI stretchy black pencil skirts. One of the only fit me then/fit me now items I have. The list becomes smaller and smaller and still, I refuse to buy any maternity clothes! I'm feeling a bit anxious about this whole event but hopefully all will go well. Wish me luck!

Here's a silly little picture of Blake and I, our second Valentine's Day jamboree. I look so young!

bump update

just in case anybody out there is wondering how 'the bump' is coming along, here you go!

i can't believe this!

do you think it works as well as it shows it does? i'll have to give it a go!

from