Josephine Acorn Grace - A Birth Story

Josephine Acorn Grace Eaton

Contractions began as mildly crampy Braxton Hicks at about noon on a Sunday like any other pregnant, wintery Sunday. In some ways I felt certain she would come early and save me from having to work another 6 days, in other ways I was still sure she would wait until Christmas had come and gone. Feeling introspective about the unpredictability of the next three weeks of my life, of deadlines and family and festive celebrations, I busied myself with housework, scrubbing the bathtub and washing the sheets. I kept Rosebud busy with The Aristocats as I felt the contractions continue to get more painful and remained in a deep pool of denial with shallow waves of excitement creeping in. We ate Kraft dinner and I waited. I packed a bag just in case.

Eventually, I told Blake. “I’m having contractions. It’s probably nothing, but they’re there.” He was surprised and excited while I remained calm and tried still to convince myself it was prodromal labour and nothing was going on.

At about 5, I was ready for some answers. I told some folks in my December due date club that I was “oscillating wildly between telling myself they are nothing and i could have another three weeks and feeling nervous that this could be it!” At six, Rosie and I climbed into a hot shower to clean up and see if my contractions would subside. At 6:30 I texted a close friend ‘just in case’ to ask her if she would be free to come spend the night with Rosebud.

I tucked Rosebud in to bed at about 7:30 PM. Giving her a bottle and extra good night kisses, I contemplated this ritual on this night, knowing it was she would fall asleep now an only child, while tommorrow her world would likely be changed. I remember the click of the latch on her door feeling like the turning of a page in the story of our lives.

Suddenly my contractions were coming harder and closer together. Five minutes apart and a minute long, it was go time. At 8pm I texted my friend from the darkness of my bed “I think you guys should come if you can… I will feel terrible if this isn’t real!” It felt like it took her forever to arrive. When she did, I was on my knees on the floor. I looked up at her desperately and told her never to have babies. Blake had the car ready to go and I ran to it between contractions, barely making it onto the passenger seat before writhing in pain once again.

The car ride to the hospital was the best part about my labour. If I could have had the baby in the car with him driving all the while, I would have. The night was sharply cold but I was hot and aching and with my window rolled down I finally felt like I could breathe. It was incredible. We arrived at the hospital around 9PM and I had to climb a snowy hill to get to the entrance. Contractions were debilitatingly painful but in the peace between them I still felt strong and elated.

Under the florescent hospital lights, that quickly changed. When we got to the labour and delivery unit of the hospital, I was put into a pre-admitting room with a black, faux-leather chair, like the ones in dentist's offices and a writhed through contractions while we waited, seemingly forever, for our paperwork to be completed. When the nurse came to check me I was fully effaced but only 2.5 cm dilated. I was disappointed but somewhat nonplussed, remembering similar circumstances during Rosebud’s birth. What I didn’t understand was that they wouldn’t properly admit me until I was at least 3 cm dilated. It was about 9:30pm when they asked me if I would like to go home or if i preferred to wait there for 15 minutes ‘just in case’ I dilated further. I moved to my knees on the floor and asked Blake to apply pressure to my back while I tried not to scream. Two days later I noticed big brown bruises on my knees and couldn’t help but laugh, looking back. It was almost 10 when a nurse finally checked me again. I was 3cm and I got to go into a real room!

I was admitted and my contractions were hard and fast and layered on top of each other leaving me little time to breathe. A young, somewhat inexperienced nurse told me after just 10 minutes that my pain seemed to be getting more intense quickly, and she asked me if I wanted an epidural. After some hesitation I said yes- in that moment I felt as though I wouldn’t be able to birth my daughter without a few minutes of peace. She tried twice to insert an IV until another nurse came in to do it (I don’t really want to include it in my story, but the second nurse to arrive was really condescending and impatient with the first, inexperienced, clearly nervous nurse, which did not help! It was so bad that my OB noticed and suggested I email the head nurse of the hospital). When she finished, they told me my baby’s heartbeat decelerated and that I couldn’t have the epidural until it came back up and stayed up for an unidentified period of time.

I felt like I was watching everything from behind a thick wall of glass made from my own pain. “Is everything okay?” I kept asking the young nurse. She kept telling me everything was fine, but with a stricken look of panic on her face. I would be more concerned myself if I didn’t think that she probably had this look on her face almost all the time. It reminded me of the look the new line cooks during a perilous lunch rush at my job in a restaurant a lifetime ago. Despite the wall of pain I felt surprisingly present, mentally aware but strangely disconnected from my body. I puked and knew I would never get that epidural I had asked for. I was in transition and I would just have to persevere through the pain.

When my waters broke I saw the meconium. I was already feeling pushy and could feel that intense pain of bones shifting and the baby descending down inside my pelvis. I was worried to see brown on the cloths they used to wipe up my waters, but again the nurse said everything was fine and I was so focused on push time nearing that I could barely concentrate on it nough to worry. I needed to PUSH! My OB suddenly floated into my room and I immediately felt a relative feeling of calm in knowing that it was go time and she was there to put an end to bickering, panicked nurses running the show. I really can’t explain how much her presence changed my entire labour. I started to really push and it hurt so much! I couldn’t believe how much it hurt! I was given a local anesthetic and episiotomy during my first birth and so I never experienced the ring of fire. I remember feeling her head crowning and amidst all the chaos and pushing so hard, thinking to myself “Oh, THAT is the ring of fire!” I kept pushing through the fear that I was ripping my own body open, and after instructed to give a few short, hard pushes, she was here! It was 11:30PM, only two hours after the nurses in admitting debated sending me home.

I was giddy and elated, but mostly relieved. (She’s here! She’s healthy! I don’t have to go to work tommorrow!) She was a tiny 5lbs 14oz and so beautiful. I was immediately struck by how similar and different she was from her big sister. Blake warned me against comparing her against Rosebud right off the bat, but it was impossible not to. We called her Josephine, as we had intended and we looked at her. She was lovely and darling to us immediately. I couldn’t help but chatter away, remarking over how incredible that the pain is just over in such an instant and the whole world is changed. I felt even more relieved at the feeling of delivering the placenta. As with Rosebud, they were concerned about me bleeding a little too much and I was given av IV of fluids and blood thickener of some sort. I nursed her right away and she latched on like nothing and I was, and still am, in complete disbelief of her beauty and the process of making new life and birthing a new human into the world.

Josephine Acorn Grace Eaton: 11:30 PM, December 14, 2014.

“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” - James Allen

first snowfall

rosebud turned two!

Isn't she beautiful?

The last year has just flown by...

What's the difference between getting a tattoo and having a baby?

Nothing, apparently.

Why You Should Never, Ever, Ever Get A Tattoo (but Having a Baby is Fine) at the Ugly Volvo is, in my opinion, priceless.

DORA HD

Daycare was cancelled today because the care-takers (what do you call the people that run a home daycare besides their name? I have no idea) are sick. As a result, Bud has been watching a LOT of Dora while I try (in vain) to get some work done. Have y'all seen this video? I have to admit, it kiiiinda made my day yesterday. "I'M A MAP, I'M A MAP!"

birthday part one

so, Rosie's first birthday has passed. I haven't blogged about it yet not because I forgot, but because I was so, so busy! I'm just now getting my life back in order.

my folks were here from Vancouver island and i was just finishing up my semester. we had a HUGE barbecue, (photos to come) which was a massive success! Rosie is so, so loved. we made out like bandits despite announcing gifts unnecessary, and a good time was had by all.

my girl has been on this good green earth, separate from me in form, if not heart and soul, for twelve long/short months. she is lively and active, intuitive and curious. her smile is like the sun. her eyes, a bright summer's day that shine at me through a long, cold winter. she walks and runs, she talks, she signs 'please'. I'll use a cliche borrowed many times over and say that she is, indeed, a manifestation of my heart living outside if my chest. baby girl, I only hope that never in your life will you doubt my love for you, never in your life will I be unable to keep you safe, confident, happy. I wish for you anything you would dare to wish for yourself, and more.
forever yours.
mama.

11 months... give or take a week.

Rosebud, my darling, i miss you while you sleep.

i miss your searching eyes and your unending curiosity! a zest for life the likes of which i have never seen. 'hi, hi, hi.' when i nurse you, you pull away and smile, 'hi.' you are walking now and almost running! chase your dreams, my girl (and i'll be chasing you).

kitty is still your favourite thing and you still chirp, screech and sing at the sight of her. i hope you always love animals (and people) the way you do now.

i am so proud of your capacity for knowledge and strength. when we started swimming lessons in january you cried THE WHOLE TIME. but i held you close! gradually, you gained confidence and, with the help of a few friendly foam hippos, you excelled in your lessons until our final two when you entered the pool smiling and cried only because we had to leave. I hope that our first swimming lessons are foreshadowing, a metaphor for the way you will approach this gift of life you have been given. may every daunting task you face be met with just the right amount of fear and apprehension, but may you explore, learn and gain confidence in every day of your life and with any task you wish to conquer. In your hesitation, i will always be there for you to hold onto, for you to cry to, to help you along the way. and if you change your mind? well, hat's okay too.

as we approach your first birthday, i mourn the ending of your babyhood but look forward to all the special moments of your life we have yet to witness. i have such faith in your mind and your abilities and i hope that your ambition and passion are qualities that will stay with you all of your life. my biggest wish is that i will have the ability to keep you safe from harm's reach while meanwhile nurturing you and encouraging you to go forth in your life with the tenacity you already show.

i'm so proud to be your mama.

ps. it's okay to be a fussapotamus sometimes, too.

HI and I MISSED TEN MONTHS

...which just goes to show how quickly time is passing by, these days.

Rosebud, you are (over) ten months old now.
You can walk! but only a few steps at a time.
You say hi, mama, dada, yeah and kitty.
you are 28.5 inches tall.
you know how to climb down from the bed or couch by turning your little body around and heading down feet first. (this somehow just kills me. i'm SO proud)
I'm exhausted and anxious, but here is a little tidbit of rosie and her new favourite word!

WINTER

And this is the view from our front door on this fine, February afternoon.

Of course I know that winter doesn't end officially until the end of march nor does it practically end until mid-late April, nonetheless, it feels torturous knowing that the west coast is already seeing spring-like conditions while we are lost in another winter storm.
Care to remind me why I ever moved here? Oh yes, for the love of my life and eventually this:

I guess my day isn't that bad after all.

SEVEN INCH MONDAY (SUNDAY) - GINO IS A COWARD

a gino washington kind of day, today. something energizing is necessary when chasing around a(n almost) toddler!

first steps?

We've had quite the morning with Rosie today! She woke up in the middle of the night so she was in our bed with us, but she woke up first. I guess she was pretty frustrated that her mama and daddy were still asleep, but rather than pulling my hair or tugging out my earrings (like she usually does), she grabbed my iphone and turned on some music. Mazzy Star! While i was bumbling around reaching for my glasses, she somehow managed to call her dad's cell phone, thereby waking him up as well! He went right back to sleep while i gave her kisses and we got ready to make the best of our early saturday morning! I hope i remember our little adventures forever.

Another thing! she may or may not have taken her first steps yesterday. I was in the kitchen doing some clean up and Blake was hanging out with rosie and playing words with friends on my phone. He was watching her as she held onto a chair but then looked down at his phone to complete his word and when he looked up, she was standing in the middle of the living room, out of reach of any furniture! here is our beauty as of Thursday, when we had a little impromptu photoshoot

.

ALSO: by the time i had finished writing this entry, i had indeed caught rosebud walking unassisted again! Just one step, but WOW!

SEVEN INCH SUNDAY WILL BE TOMMORROW!

wednesdays

on wednesday mornings, i go to class. the first one was really tough for me because oh my god, will she be okay without me? it's four whole hours and she's awake! (it's somehow a little easier to leave her when she's sleeping. she doesn't even know i'm gone! unless she wakes up...) the first wednesday went swimmingly, of course, and now i don't even worry. not on bit! (okay maybe a TINY bit)

wednesday in our household is daddy daughter day! if b. has a painting contract on the go that week, he says, sorry boys, wednesday is daddy daughter day. they stay in bed after i've gone, just a little while longer while the house warms up. they get up and daddy feeds the girl and gives her water. they play piano together and then listen to classical records. blake tell her everything! the composer, the instruments, the time period. he reads her books. more often than not, she's asleep when i get home.

today i snuck to the grocery store to grab a few things before heading home. the air was brisk and i missed me some baby slumber sighs, so i walked quick. she was awake, but just! sleepy smell still clinging to her hair and clouds in her eyes. even so, just a quick cuddle and away she went in all fours, chasing the dog, chasing the cat.

I'm a better mother because of it; even without knowing i do, i miss her, and when i return i love her even more. despite mama's brief absence, i have it on pretty good authority that wednesdays are rosie's FAVOURITE day of the week.

two tooths and water

i know i kind of went over this in my last post, but boy oh boy, rosie's just not a baby anymore.

I love motherhood and all of the rewards it gives me. kisses and smiles have never been such a high currency to me as they are for me now. she sleeps now, mouth gaping open. and a little tooth! no, two little teeth peek through!

breath as soft as a cashmere cloud and the smell, oh, the smell! nothing smells just quite like a baby's breath. but oh, when she wakes she is like water. she is still, deep and pensive. she is waves crashing, a storm about to break. she is the sun, smiling through dark clouds. she is my silver lining. little rosebud, to see you blossom is the sweetest thing. when i sleep i dream of days spent with you. love, mama.

SUNDAY SEVEN INCH - two quirky old songs.

two song i love than are fun(ny) to sing while washing the dishes (incedentally, my favourite time to sing!).

i always get a huge kick out of sounds that sound happy and swinging but have really sad or dark lyrics. this cover by chaz mcdivett and nancy whiskey is pure brilliance and exactly that. i just love the contradiction between the ontent and the form. and the whistling kills me!

benny goodman with martha tilton!

another swinging take on a familiar classic! doesn't martha just sound so suave? i love her vocal here, just love it.

tiny tot

rosebud can stand unassisted for a few minutes at a a time. rosebud has learned how to open the drawers in the kitchen all by herself. if you giver her something that she doesn't want, rosebud throws it defiantly on the floor.

At just 8 and a half months old, i feel like she is a toddler already.

but then, she is still so small. waving her little hand from across the room "hi mommy, hi." sleeping head heavy on my chest.

she had her first swimming lesson yesterday. she cried through about half of it (the water was cold!), but looked just darling in her little red bathing suit with the red hearts.
here's proof.

rosebud is (over) 8 months!

rosebud talks. she leans in for kisses and, sometimes, returns them. rosebud follows the cat and dog around the house. rosebud stands with one hand and every once and awhile she lets go and hovers there for a moment without realizing what she has done! stand tall my daughter! be confident! don't be afraid! she has blue ayes that sparkle (just like her daddy's) and a smile that shines like the sun.

we love her more than we knew we could. how can someone so small hold me in the palm of her hand?

a little late!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everybody! Here is a little something I made for close family that I thought I would share with the world.

Ain't she sweet?

Oh boy oh boy.

I've been away for so long and at first it was because of overwhelming anxiety due to finals, but more recently there has been no reason for my absence aside from a thrilling and continually ongoing Gilmore Girls marathon

I finally got an iPhone! The screen is shattered but it works and I can finally realize all my Instagram dreams.

feelings

Oh man, have I dropped off the side of the planet or what?

the thing is, I really do have so much to say! actually saying it, however, or having the time to say it, or actually having the words come to me when i DO have time is another matter.

rosebud is growing up fast. she crawls like a champ, and you have to watch her all the time! she loves to eat. she loves to get her 'little grabbers' in gucky, gooky cat food and baby poop, for what it's worth. LOTS of baths happen over here. and speaking of baths, well, she used to love them and kind of still does, but instead of splashing around in the tub with giggles galore she always, always wants to stand up. so she does.
i guess we're asking for those sticky bathtub things for christmas? because inevitably, due to the slippery bathtub, she falls. usually right on her rump, which works out well for all parties involved, but occasionally she hits her head (not hard! i'm right there to catch her as she falls!).

my little girl, growing up so fast!

they all say that it would happen quickly, that time would slip away so fast, but i didn't expect it to be like this! I remember thinking that once she could crawl, and i mean REALLY crawl, she would settle down for awhile and be satisfied. for our little one, this isn't so. once, so frustrated at not knowing how to crawl, she now wishes she could walk! she lets go for seconds at a time and we watch her face change: curiosity, bewilderment, excitement, shock and then sometimes, fear. sometimes, back on the safety of her little big bum, she cries, other times she gives us a smile a mile wide.

what can i do for you, my little one? how can i teach you best?

we all read the books, we all make the speculations and we all do our best and wonder what, how and why we're doing you wrong.

rosebud, when i wish on a star tonight, and i do, i wish for you. but i also wish for myself.
i wish that somehow, without fail, i can teach you. i wish that i can assist you in being a better woman than i am: stronger, smarter, more determined. i wish for you now, little bud. please, let me help you be the best that you can be.

i love you.
mom.

fyi

just so y'all know, my unofficial sabbatical should end on friday after my final.

i'll be back, i promise!