feelings

Oh man, have I dropped off the side of the planet or what?

the thing is, I really do have so much to say! actually saying it, however, or having the time to say it, or actually having the words come to me when i DO have time is another matter.

rosebud is growing up fast. she crawls like a champ, and you have to watch her all the time! she loves to eat. she loves to get her 'little grabbers' in gucky, gooky cat food and baby poop, for what it's worth. LOTS of baths happen over here. and speaking of baths, well, she used to love them and kind of still does, but instead of splashing around in the tub with giggles galore she always, always wants to stand up. so she does.
i guess we're asking for those sticky bathtub things for christmas? because inevitably, due to the slippery bathtub, she falls. usually right on her rump, which works out well for all parties involved, but occasionally she hits her head (not hard! i'm right there to catch her as she falls!).

my little girl, growing up so fast!

they all say that it would happen quickly, that time would slip away so fast, but i didn't expect it to be like this! I remember thinking that once she could crawl, and i mean REALLY crawl, she would settle down for awhile and be satisfied. for our little one, this isn't so. once, so frustrated at not knowing how to crawl, she now wishes she could walk! she lets go for seconds at a time and we watch her face change: curiosity, bewilderment, excitement, shock and then sometimes, fear. sometimes, back on the safety of her little big bum, she cries, other times she gives us a smile a mile wide.

what can i do for you, my little one? how can i teach you best?

we all read the books, we all make the speculations and we all do our best and wonder what, how and why we're doing you wrong.

rosebud, when i wish on a star tonight, and i do, i wish for you. but i also wish for myself.
i wish that somehow, without fail, i can teach you. i wish that i can assist you in being a better woman than i am: stronger, smarter, more determined. i wish for you now, little bud. please, let me help you be the best that you can be.

i love you.
mom.

SEVEN INCH SUNDAYS - CHRISTMAS MUSIC THAT'S NOT CHRISTMAS MUSIC

I've taken a little accidental break. oops.

the last couple of weeks have been busy and draining. I'm still working on completing my degree and so I have been working on two online courses this semester! It never got too crazy, the worst part of it was just that little voice in the back of my head that is always there, reminding me i have other things that need to be down, especially when I'm doing something I enjoy, and stresses me out more the longer my list is. courses make my list longer. i still have two finals and a lot of cramming to do, but for the next week or so, i'm putting a muzzle on that voice and relaxing!

Now, though, I'm just tired.

I can't even think of a musical selection!

okay. in honour of comforting, low-needs, easy listening music, here is patsy cline. i love patsy. she is sorrowful, yet fun. her voice feels like warm flannel sheets. my love of singing along to patsy is almost unparalleled.

patsy cline is perfect for november for many reasons. the aforementioned comparison to warm flannel sheets is an important one, but another reason, for me at least, is christmas.

you know when it's late November or early December and it's really starting to feel christmas-y and you'd like to indulge in that feeling without overdoing it because every time you go anywhere, christmas and holiday music is playing? or you just don't want to jump the gun and already be tired of christmas music by the 15th by accident? this is what i do in those times of peril.

I listen to patsy cline. and frank sinatra. and nat king cole. louis armstrong and ella fitzgerald. and a little bit of elvis, but only the nostalgic, croon-y ones.

there are others, but those ones are the big ones. It's the velvety texture of the recordings and the tempo of the songs. it reminds me of polished wood and candlelight. it reminds me of my grandparent's house and the smell of captain black's tobacco. it reminds me of CHRISTMAS! without actually being about christmas, you know?

please, if anybody reads this, does this music have the same quality for you, or am i just one of the lucky ones? at any rate, here's to christmas music that's not christmas music.

*just a note* this post is not meant to be exclusionary in any way. I write about christmas because i was raised anglican and christmas is what i know. i write what i know! the next month is going to be about christmas non-stop, so you have officially been forewarned! love to all, though!