mom tears

THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ARTICLE I'VE READ IN AWHILE.

and I read a lot of articles.

I cried. did you?

feel good moment of the day

The feel good, weep inducing moment of the day is brought to you by disney. I was surprised to find this video on Bitch Media's website today, especially knowing how conflicted most feminists are about disney princesses. but it's pretty good!

SEVEN INCH SUNDAYS

this is a new little section of my blog. I've had the idea for awhile (actually, i got it from courtney) and B. just reminded me to get it started by playing DJ with his own personal record collection. He's making a mix-tape for his car! anyway, this is called SEVEN INCH SUNDAY. so obviously, only two songs per post. or four if i'm really excited.

today, two of my favourite sixties rockers, yeow! also a little trip down memory lane, back to our old party days on the lively streets of montreal.



THE SEEDS - CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE YOU MINE

this song is a lazy warm afternoon at the beginning of the summer, beside an open window, sharing a beer and a cigarette with your best friend. it just is.



THE SONICS - HAVE LOVE, WILL TRAVEL

this song is one last dance in a dusky, underground bar before running for the last metro home because, shit, i'm opening the restaurant tommorrow morning and i should have been home an our ago!

hope you like!

oh, also: would you believe me if I said this photo is NOT POSED? she just picked up that record all on her own.

i am a hypocrite

*Why I Stopped Trying to Make My Daughter be Pretty*

if i dream of a world where my daughter will not be objectified, a world where she is valued for her intelligence and kindness rather than for her appearance, why oh why do i wish and hope and pray on my knees for her to be pretty? beautiful, even?

maybe because i know what this world is like, and wouldn't want her to deal with everything that comes with being labelled 'ugly'; maybe because i'm a product of my environment, and i am just another person who values women for their physical attractiveness over their other virtues, or maybe I am just a hypocrite.

thoughts?

on co-sleeping

the world of motherhood is as confusing as it is exciting. there is so much information out there and a lot of it is conflicting and most of it is general guidelines. but every family has a different needs, no?

so: co-sleeping. we did it at first. my mom was kind of horrified by the idea but i liked what i read and even if i hadn't read anything about co-sleeping, once i had that teeny tiny baby in my arms i couldn't even imagine putting her little body in a big scary crib to sleep, so she slept with us.

the first week or two she only slept on me. i was exhausted and nursing A LOT (as tends to be the norm with newborns) so i would nurse her in a sitting up/semi-reclined position and just fall asleep holding her. boy oh boy, was my back ever sore! but it worked for us! i wasn't worried about dropping her or rolling over onto her because, well, i just wasn't. and sure enough, every time i woke up, there she would be in my arms and everything would be hunky-dory. (aside from, you know, being in pain, always. and exhausted. and crying through feedings because it hurt *so much*.) it should also be noted that we had an *arm's reach co-sleeper* all set up, but it's main purpose at this point was holding spare blankeys and (cloth!) diapers.

after about four weeks i (finally) got a hang of the ol' side-lying nursing position, and it changed my life. for real. I COULD SLEEP AGAIN. and sleep i did, with my little rosebud nestled into me. when she needed to feed, she just did!!! i wouldn't even wake up all the time, which was glorious. a feeding every few hours was no longer a painful and torturous endeavour. at this point i pretty much figured everybody who didn't co-sleep must be insane. i was still waking up often, but not having to move made it okay.

sometime between two months and three months postpartum, i began to feel, well, healed, and b. and i were feeling the need for a little bit more intimacy, and that's when that co-sleeper REALLY came in handy. i would transfer rosie over after nursing her to sleep and that would allow us to sleep as we normally would without her little body right there, but she still *was* right there, which was the beauty of it all. she would inevitably wake up at some point during the night and end up back in bed with us, but hey, you take what you can get, right? and we loved her little baby snuggles all the more.

fast-forward to about two or three weeks ago. i read that if you don't get your babe out of your bed by six months, they often don't make the transition until two or three years. i was a little worried. was i ready for that much of a co-sleeping commitment? worried as i was, i wasn't really strongly considering making a change. Then B. says, why don' we just try her out in her crib, just as an experiment? we'll just see how it goes.

verdict? it was no big thing. I think it was harder on me than it was on her. rosebud sleeps super well in her crib. she usually goes down between 930 and 1030 and wakes up anytime between 6-8. i feel we are still inherently connected. I used to have to set 3 alarm clocks when i was working he morning shift because i would sleep through not one, but two alarms. now, i just kind of jolt awake and then sneak into her room to find her smiling and playing in her crib in the morning light. it's adorable! and validating! and then, guess what? i take her back into bed with me and we snuggle for another couple or few hours, she nurses, i kiss her little head, B. dotes on her, we all share smiles and we get a couple more z's in while we can. and it's AWESOME.

am i taking sides in the bedding debate? AU CONTRAIRE! if there is (and there is) a moral to this exceedingly long and boring to anybody but me story, it's that you should just follow your instincts. they're usually pretty okay.

i wanted to be a co-sleeping mom. and i was. and guess what, i still think i am, because those morning time hours are precious and priceless, and rosie seems content and thriving, so we must be doing okay! sometimes experience, personal, lived-in experience means more than anything you read or hear.

the end.

motion-312

and for today's bonus post, MOTION-312 WAS DEFEATED IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS TODAY! which is a huge victory for the reproductive rights of women in canada. thank god!

FIVE FREAKING MONTHS

rosebud is five months old. she can almost crawl but sometimes gets frustrated when she realized she's just not quite there yet. she rolls from back to front and front to back but sometimes just forgets how to go from front to back and gets frustrated then, too. nothing scooping her up and giving her a cuddle doesn't fix, though.

our room-mate recently got a dog and she just loves animals, especially his dog, dingo. almost every time dingo comes near she breathes heavily from excitement and giggles as dingo sniffs at her. dingo can stop her from fussing by entering the room. she loves the kitty, too, but the kitty is a little less stoked on her, so they haven't really bonded yet the way dingo and rosie have.

she loves lots of kisses, especially on her hand and her chubby little tummy.

she still loves music and dances, often in time to the music, when in her jolly jumper.

and her smile could brighten the darkest of days.

oh, and today me and auntie hannah fed her BEETS! I know you are supposed to wait until 6 months, but she is showing a lot of interest so i have been giving her tastes. she held the spoon herself and lunged forward, gobbling down all that beety goodness.

and then there are those days when rosebud doesn't nap and is a bit of a fuss pot all day long. I don't want to complain because, by the sounds of it, rosie is a pretty laid-back, low maintenance baby, but i still have those days where all i can think to say is: ALRIGHT, I'M DOING MY BEST HERE, OKAY!?

so here's to some of the best and most challenging days of my life. i love you, little bud.

growing pains

today we went to visit our dear dear friends, just three days after the birth of their little guy, clarence. (they came to see us in the hospital when rosie was just one day old, immediately after they found out they were having a boy!) The minute we got in the door i burst into tears. happy tears for them, because i was so happy to see this of this perfect little being and the way they were transitioning from a couple to a family. I know that feeling! it's a good (if overwhelming) feeling!

but also tears of sadness, because meeting little clarence made me realize HOW BIG ROSEBUD IS! she is SO BIG! through my tears I looked at b. and said, "see, i told you she's not little anymore!"

and so, despite it being one of the happiest of occasions, my heart broke just a little bit today.

clarence with his daddy and rosebud with me!

that awkward moment...

that awkward moment you find yourself rubbing your belly (as you did when you were with child) and not only are you no longer pregnant, but your baby is almost five months old!

not i'm going to watch armageddon, because that's what i do when B. is out of town!

5 songs to sing to a baby

something about "blossom of snow may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever" just resonated with me. what can i say, with a baby girl named roseud, OF COUSE floral imagery speaks to me! plus *the sound of music* is one of my all time favourite movies.

i love these canadian female folk heroes and this song reminds me of our pregnant tour days. and on days where i'm feeling cabin fever-ish it reminds me how sweet life is with the ones you love. "i don't want to leave you, i love you through and through"

because some miracle brought her love to me. and i LOVE sam cooke.

the beatles at their best! Rosebud LOVES jolly jumping to this one!

i know three out of the four of these ladies and they are awesome. this song is about a love interest but who knows, you COULD sing it to your baby too. right?

gorgeous

eyelashes

have you ever had a baby so darling and so dear, with such wonderfully long eyelashes, that you just wish you could put mascara on them just once *just to see how they would look*?

i do. wonder, i mean. every day.

but you know, mascara is probably pretty harmful, especially for little baby eyes, and besides, the idea of putting mascara on a little baby girl is pretty unsettling, no?

PS. My camera is pretty decrepit, so this is about the best picture you'll see of rosie's eyelashes. it does them no justice.

PPS. it is raining tonight and it sounds wonderful.

rosebud at 4.5 months

rosie. oh, rosie

i missed rosie's 4 month birthday. i was away visiting my family on vancouver island and, well, they live far away and i'll be damned if i was going to spend that time on the computer.

i wasn't. i was going to spend it with my loyal, caring mother, my quirky, beloved father and my vibrant original partner in crime, my brother.

but for the sake of posterity, here is rosebud at four-and-a-half months!
rosebud, my sweet chubbalub, the twinkle of my eye, my get up and go and my star of the show.
four months was a big milestone! you rolled over a week or so before your four month-day and once you hit that special day, we couldn't put you down without rolling over... and getting stuck! you are so determined, my little bean. and every day you amaze and bewilder us with your communication! you are so so interactive and just love having our attention. one of us will do, but two is better, right bud? Now you're really REALLY rolling all over the place! you can practically sit up by yourself! i cry when i think about how big and grown up you are!
you can stop now, okay?

all good natured and looking like her daddy. sigh.

i really DON'T want to miss a thing!

I usually tell only close, non-judgey freinds this, but here i go telling the world.

my favourite movie OF ALL TIME is *armageddon*. I cry EVERY TIME!
for one thing, i just love cheesy action movies. the other thing, though, is that i was a bit of a daddy's girl growing up.

My dad was in the military when i was a kid and, although he was an air force man, he worked on the helicopters that were on naval ships for a long time and use to go away A LOT. we always got by alright but i was just a little kid and some days i would wonder if m daddy would ever come back. something about the scene with liv tyler and bruce wllis saying their final goodbyes on the screen really gets me going. as in bawling. i've seen the movie countless times and i'm seriously talking every. single. time. embarassing, i know. i also happen to find ben affleck mega dreamy. i don't care what you think.

thing is, i remember people saying that it was a touch creepy that liv tyler's own father, steve tyler sings the love theme for the film (and she appears in the aerosmith video.) i never really found it creepy. my attitude always was, you get a gig, you do the gig. ever a musician's wife, i guess.

then b's brother's wedding happened. and *i don't want to miss a thing* came on. it was one of the few moments at the wedding reception that i was actually holding rosie. let's just say she is one popular baby. i though nothing of it and started slow dancing with her, when my epiphany hit. for one thing, there is certainly a romance between liv tyler and ben affleck in *armageddon*, but really it's a sub-plot. the real story revolves around the complicated yet loving relationship between liv tyler and her on screen dad, bruce willis. the other thing is, *i don't want to miss a thing* is NOT a romantic love song, but a love song from a parent to a child. i was hearing it through new ears. and tears were streaming down my face. rosie's dress was soaked. all sorts of extended family members were most likely giving me confused looks. rosebud was feigning indifference. i was oblivious.
and that's how *I don't want to miss a thing* became our song.

where does time go?

feminism in motherhood

i have been reading and thinking a lot lately about one aspect of motherhood in general: feminism. no, they are not mutually exclusive, but, for me at the very least and i'm sure for countless other women, bound and intertwined.

how to i teach feminism to my daughter? how do i ensure that she grows to become an intelligent and self-aware woman who knows her boundaries and respects herself. How can i help her create for herself a fulfilling future? how can i instill a confidence in her that doesn't require the shaming of others?

and for now, how do i nurture my beautiful, inquisitive baby girl while still prioritizing myself and my needs?

so far, i don't have any of the answers to these questions. i am only doing my best. (is my best good enough?)

these are themes i really hope to touch on in this dear old blog of mine. the title of my blog is a play on words meant to invoke the rock and roll spirit and lifestyle, but is also about rocking the boat: asking hard questions and maybe voicing some not so popular opinions. I'm still working on truly articulating my feelings and simply trying to keep up a fairly good quality, interesting blog, but i hope as i grow these subjects will come into play more and more often and my blog will be more meaningful than just a few poorly lit family photographs. (i mean of course, meaningful on a worldly scale, after all, what could be more meaningful to me and my family than the very moments captured in those photos?) i want to touch peoples lives and inspire productive thinking.
stay tuned.

rosie waltzes

i'm expecting to be MIA for awhile. Blake and I are going out of town on sunday for his brother's wedding, and i am soo excited! until then, though, i have a lot of things to get done around the house and while we're there we'll be very busy. quite honestly, i'm still not used to this blogging all the time business (i'm trying!) so i'll just do the best i can and not give myself too hard of a time about it.

to tide you folks over for awhile, here is a video chronicling rosie's very first time in her jolly jumper. she doesn' really understand how to jump just yet, but for a few bars of this video, she does a near perfect waltz. go rosebud!

next step to freedom!

so yesterday for the first time ever, rosie took a bottle. like actually took it. like took the nipple into her mouth and actually sucked! I have given her a bottle from time to time with limited success. as in, i've had to literally squeeze tiny amounts of milk into her mouth and wait for her to swallow, and then repeat.

I'd heard from various sources that some babies are picky about bottles and their respective nipples and that you just need to find the right bottle. given my meagre parental benefits cheques, i was reluctant to go out and buy every bottle on the market, bt yesterday I was at winners and they had one for sale, so i decided to go for it. and hail mary full of grace, it worked.

so here, against all odds, is one tiny step toward freedom. don't get me wrong, i plan on breastfeeding for as long s i can possibly manage, but here's to the odd night out with the girls, here's to babysitters and maybe going for an occasional lunch with a friend sans baby, and here's to the possibility of me finishing my degree in the foreseeable future! here's to happy motherhood, contented mother and child and just a touch of freedom.

nineties teenagers

as you all know, i have a funny little habit of watching tv while nursing. i'm not exactly proud of it and would probably feel a lot better about doing something like reading books instead, but i've tried that and nursing just seems to make more sense logistically. if only i had an ereader!

my former program of choice was Masterchef Australia and I loved it until the end, but when the season finally wrapped up, I had no idea what to watch. I was looking for something that would be a guilty pleasure and somewhat self-indulgent. hey, if i'm going slumming in tv land i might as well go all the way, right? I love programs like AMC's *The Walking Dead* or HBO's *OZ*, but during nursing time i didn't want anything violent. I've never been one to watch these new reality show programs like housewives of wherever or *jersey shore* and i'm pretty consistently nostalgic for the nineties. something about being a kid and looking at teenagers in awe thinking that one day i would be a teenager just like them! Thing is, i was a teenager in the oh-nos and i never got to be that nineties teenager i always thought i would be. therefore, my choice of nursing program was narrowed down enough that my choice became clear.

my mom never ket me watch it when i was growing up! this is finally my chance to find out who ends up with whom! i'm unreasonably stoked.

anybody else out there have any guilty pleasures you care to share? i'm interested!

baby blues v. 2.0

oh my goodness oh my goodness.

my sister-in-law sweet marie sent rosebud a whole whack of baby girl clothes from thailand... just take a look at rosie in her new dress. those baby blues!!!

ps. feeling much better than the other day. i knew it would pass!