Friday, December 28, 2012

a little late!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everybody! Here is a little something I made for close family that I thought I would share with the world.

Ain't she sweet?

Friday, December 21, 2012

Oh boy oh boy.

I've been away for so long and at first it was because of overwhelming anxiety due to finals, but more recently there has been no reason for my absence aside from a thrilling and continually ongoing Gilmore Girls marathon

I finally got an iPhone! The screen is shattered but it works and I can finally realize all my Instagram dreams.

Sunday, December 9, 2012


Oh man, have I dropped off the side of the planet or what?

the thing is, I really do have so much to say! actually saying it, however, or having the time to say it, or actually having the words come to me when i DO have time is another matter.

rosebud is growing up fast. she crawls like a champ, and you have to watch her all the time! she loves to eat. she loves to get her 'little grabbers' in gucky, gooky cat food and baby poop, for what it's worth. LOTS of baths happen over here. and speaking of baths, well, she used to love them and kind of still does, but instead of splashing around in the tub with giggles galore she always, always wants to stand up. so she does.
i guess we're asking for those sticky bathtub things for christmas? because inevitably, due to the slippery bathtub, she falls. usually right on her rump, which works out well for all parties involved, but occasionally she hits her head (not hard! i'm right there to catch her as she falls!).

my little girl, growing up so fast!

they all say that it would happen quickly, that time would slip away so fast, but i didn't expect it to be like this! I remember thinking that once she could crawl, and i mean REALLY crawl, she would settle down for awhile and be satisfied. for our little one, this isn't so. once, so frustrated at not knowing how to crawl, she now wishes she could walk! she lets go for seconds at a time and we watch her face change: curiosity, bewilderment, excitement, shock and then sometimes, fear. sometimes, back on the safety of her little big bum, she cries, other times she gives us a smile a mile wide.

what can i do for you, my little one? how can i teach you best?

we all read the books, we all make the speculations and we all do our best and wonder what, how and why we're doing you wrong.

rosebud, when i wish on a star tonight, and i do, i wish for you. but i also wish for myself.
i wish that somehow, without fail, i can teach you. i wish that i can assist you in being a better woman than i am: stronger, smarter, more determined. i wish for you now, little bud. please, let me help you be the best that you can be.

i love you.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


just so y'all know, my unofficial sabbatical should end on friday after my final.

i'll be back, i promise!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012


I am totally crying. are you crying?


rosebud is seven months old! she can crawl all over the place and loves to explore. she can pull herself up to a standing position all by herself and she loves to be standing as much as possible. she still falls down lots, though. she loves following the doggy, the kitty, mommy or daddy from room to room. i love to watch her crawl toward something and then stop and sit up! the first time i saw her pull out that move i was just completely bewildered. she still puts everything in her mouth, especially paper. Her favourite foods are toast, banana, broccoli, avocado and all different types of soup. she talks all the time and calls her daddy 'dada.'
at first we thought, oh, she just talks by saying dadada (which she does), she's not REALLy saying dada. Until one day, about a week ago I was nursing on the couch. daddy came over to say hi, so she pulled off. she looked at him for a moment, placed her little hand on his cheek and then said 'dada', just like that. we both melted.
ps. we got a new camera!

Sunday, November 25, 2012


I've taken a little accidental break. oops.

the last couple of weeks have been busy and draining. I'm still working on completing my degree and so I have been working on two online courses this semester! It never got too crazy, the worst part of it was just that little voice in the back of my head that is always there, reminding me i have other things that need to be down, especially when I'm doing something I enjoy, and stresses me out more the longer my list is. courses make my list longer. i still have two finals and a lot of cramming to do, but for the next week or so, i'm putting a muzzle on that voice and relaxing!

Now, though, I'm just tired.

I can't even think of a musical selection!

okay. in honour of comforting, low-needs, easy listening music, here is patsy cline. i love patsy. she is sorrowful, yet fun. her voice feels like warm flannel sheets. my love of singing along to patsy is almost unparalleled.

patsy cline is perfect for november for many reasons. the aforementioned comparison to warm flannel sheets is an important one, but another reason, for me at least, is christmas.

you know when it's late November or early December and it's really starting to feel christmas-y and you'd like to indulge in that feeling without overdoing it because every time you go anywhere, christmas and holiday music is playing? or you just don't want to jump the gun and already be tired of christmas music by the 15th by accident? this is what i do in those times of peril.

I listen to patsy cline. and frank sinatra. and nat king cole. louis armstrong and ella fitzgerald. and a little bit of elvis, but only the nostalgic, croon-y ones.

there are others, but those ones are the big ones. It's the velvety texture of the recordings and the tempo of the songs. it reminds me of polished wood and candlelight. it reminds me of my grandparent's house and the smell of captain black's tobacco. it reminds me of CHRISTMAS! without actually being about christmas, you know?

please, if anybody reads this, does this music have the same quality for you, or am i just one of the lucky ones? at any rate, here's to christmas music that's not christmas music.

*just a note* this post is not meant to be exclusionary in any way. I write about christmas because i was raised anglican and christmas is what i know. i write what i know! the next month is going to be about christmas non-stop, so you have officially been forewarned! love to all, though!

Sunday, November 18, 2012


okay y'all. this seven inch sunday is to commemorate last week's adventure.

Blake has been away on a mini-tour all weekend and rosebud and I are really missing him, so a little nostalgic bluegrass will be my perfect tonic. Here are the two songs b. sang for me last week. enjoy!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

same, but different

she looks the same, but different. just look at all that dark hair!

ps. i miss my baby. to others, she's still a baby, but i see her as almost a toddler now!

Monday, November 12, 2012

a summer love story - with bluegrass

last night, Blake and I attended the 15th anniversary of bluegrass night at barfly.

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe somewhere, it is April 24th, 2005, and I have just arrived in the big, strange city of Montreal from my small-town coastal city nestled away safely in Vancouver Island. My room-mates are people i know from back home, and upon arrival at my new apartment in the heart of le plateau, they collectively decide to take me out on the town, even though it's Sunday night! because I'm eighteen and legally allowed to drink in real bars!

Barfly is a dive-y, hole in the wall joint on the main not for from my new digs. There is bluegrass music, smoke hanging in the air, conversations in at least two languages and lots and lots of beer. after being asked about whether or not i liked the music, my reply was 'I don't think I get it, but I'm pretty sure I like it.'

and there was that mysteriously handsome young man playing the cello? no silly, that's a bass! all night long.

I went back almost every single sunday night that summer.

my love for the music grew in leaps and bounds, and I always kept my eye on that man, whom i affectionately referred to as 'rockabilly boy.' eventually, he had his eye on me, too. that summer went on and became the summer dreams are made of, but was abruptly ended when i ran out of money and had to go back 'home' to Vancouver Island to go to college.

Now, in this universe, it is been about seven and a half years later. I am older, wiser, and have had a lot more pints of beer from those sordid barfly taps. not so many lately, however, because me and 'rockabilly boy' are married and have our own perfect little child, equal parts he and i. i don't know the ending to this story, yet, but here's hoping for 'and they lived happily ever after...'


PS. last night rockabilly boy played one of his old classics, and i closed my eyes and saw that girl, that boy, all those years ago. i saw rosebud. and i cried! Unabashed, right there in the middle of that crowded bar.

Sunday, November 11, 2012


'i vow to thee, my scotland,' which is also referred to as 'i vow to thee my country' always reminds me of my dad, who is an ex-military man. and it reminds me of Band of Brothers, which is an amazing series (have you seen it? have you watched it four times? *raises hand*). and it just reminds me of war and relatives and it often makes me cry. in a bittersweet way.

oh, danny boy! could any song be more personally appropriate for this week's seven inch sunday? my answer is a resounding no. i hope y'all love johnny cash because he's sure to return.

okay, i love crying as much as the next gal (read: a lot), but there is a time and place and then you move on, no? this next one is a great faron young song from from 1955 and it has always kind of helped me feel more at ease about those who die young. who doesn't want to leave behind a beautiful memory? it's also A LOT more celebratory than those last two, so hopefully it will help you wipe your salty tears away. like I said yesterday, lest we forget!

Saturday, November 10, 2012


this is important to me, guys.

my papa, Thomas Vernon, served in the army in the Second World War. He enlisted at just seventeen years old. After his service in the army, he went on to do a lot of work for his local Legions in both Alberta and British Columbia, and was even the founding member of two separate Legion locations. He continued with this service until he died on October 31st, 2002 when I was sixteen years old. Love you, Papa.

My great Uncle Russ, Russel Noel, was Papa's older brother, and he served in the Navy during World War II on a ship called 'The Athabascan.' On April 28th, 1944, The Athabascan was hit by enemy fire, causing a huge explosion, and the ship was evacuated. That night, my Uncle Russ was lucky enough to be rescued by those abord the sister ship, the Haida, but 85 members of the crew were taken as Prisoners of War and 128 men died when the ship sank

Lest we forget.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


I respect those bloggers who don't like to publish anything political on their blogs, but I am not one of those people.

let's put it this way: I am a canadian living in canada, but the US is a major global power and I have not only myself to look after but also a beautiful baby daughter for whom i wish the world. who do YOU think i was cheering for!

all sighs of relief and tears of joy, up in here!


every moment that passes is another moment gone for us. i just know when you'll get bigger i'll relish these photos.

being with you is like crawling into freshly changed sheets, the smell of clean laundry, hearing a familiar song from long ago, swinging as high as you can go! and christmas morning every morning. love you, little pearl.

Sunday, November 4, 2012


This seven inch sunday is brought to you by the number fifteen. as in fifteen years old. when i was fifteen i was the most emotional nostalgic person. i would cry just thinking about what it would be like to remember being fifteen. it was a pretty... weird year. I'm still king of like that, but it fifteen it was the worst. it was soul crushing.

anyway, there is a lot of music i really liked at fifteen, some more embarrassing than others, but one of my mainstays of high school music love was tegan and sara. young, female and quirky, they wrote catchy, pop-y songs with just the right amount of ani difranco's feminine vulnerability thrown in for good measure. I stopped following them after *so jealous*, but they will always always have a place in my heart.

this one is my favourite. always was!

this is everything

Friday, November 2, 2012

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

six months later.

Today, I worked on getting a 'before and after' photo of rosebud. I really should have done it yesterday for maximum effectiveness, however it's close enough for me! There is one photo of rosie that just kills me. I've posted it before, but I'll post it again. many times. It's because rosebud it in her carseat, having just arrived home from the hospital. what a little bean she was! now, six months later, she is huge and lovely and the same baby yet so, so different.

Sunday, October 28, 2012


okay, because what halloween compilation WOULDN'T include the monster mash?

and what's a more halloween-y band than the misfits? here is one of the creepiest love songs ever told. i happen to love it.

Friday, October 26, 2012


oh my goodness gracious.
has it really been so long, my love?

Rosebud Elizabeth Pearl is 6 months old today.

She crawls! she talks! she loves my butternut squash soup and avocado, and she feeds herself like a champ!

she becomes most excited when there is an animal around, but will make do with petting the fur on my moccasins, if no pets are to be seen. oh my funny child. We played peek-a-boo for the first time today and she just laughed and laughed.

everyday is an adventure; everyday i watch her learning and i am bewildered by life, by the human mind, by the capacity of my own heart to love.

and now, pictures.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

because the lasts never last

today was the first time i *really* caught rosie crawling. and it was wonderful. and we also went grocery shopping, and i didn't have to carry her in a wrap or push her in the stroller, because she can sit up in the shopping cart all by herself now. I was so proud. and i did take the time to think, to remember those long lost days when she couldn't hold up her own head. the same head that now turns every which way, the whole world to see. most parents know how quickly these moments pass and how unbelievable it is to see our little tiny babies turn into full blown people before our eyes. we celebrate the firsts, but really, how often do we think about the lasts?
just today, somebody opened my eyes to this wonderful Huffington Post article. I know I post touching little articles just about once a week, BUT REALLY THIS TIME! MY HEART! I feel like I have rashes on my cheeks from crying so many tears at this article! I feel like every parent should read it once a month (or so, i know we're all busy) just to make sure that we don't forget to remember all those special little moments. i only hope i can/will.
my rosebud, i love you.
and here she is, kind of crawling, kind of laughing, and totally lighting up my life. thank you, little darling.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012



Wednesday, October 17, 2012


At almost six months, rosebud doesn't have any teeth yet, but i'm thinking that look of anguish (not to mention her general fussiness today) means something! watch it go on for another month before we get a tooth.
come on rosie, you can do it!

Monday, October 15, 2012


yes, I am fully aware that it's monday. but i'm sick and forgetful and i couldn't wait until next week because, why would i?
today is dedicated to wilson pickett because i love him and so does rosie in her little jolly jumper.

because it's hilarious and reminds me of my brother.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

little love letter

dear rosebud, sometimes you stay up late and i'm tired or sick or i need a shower and the kitchen is a mess and i just can't wait for you to go to sleep.
but when you do, i miss you.
love, mom.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Saturday, October 6, 2012

feel good moment of the day

The feel good, weep inducing moment of the day is brought to you by disney. I was surprised to find this video on Bitch Media's website today, especially knowing how conflicted most feminists are about disney princesses. but it's pretty good!

Sunday, September 30, 2012


this is a new little section of my blog. I've had the idea for awhile (actually, i got it from courtney) and B. just reminded me to get it started by playing DJ with his own personal record collection. He's making a mix-tape for his car! anyway, this is called SEVEN INCH SUNDAY. so obviously, only two songs per post. or four if i'm really excited.

today, two of my favourite sixties rockers, yeow! also a little trip down memory lane, back to our old party days on the lively streets of montreal.


this song is a lazy warm afternoon at the beginning of the summer, beside an open window, sharing a beer and a cigarette with your best friend. it just is.


this song is one last dance in a dusky, underground bar before running for the last metro home because, shit, i'm opening the restaurant tommorrow morning and i should have been home an our ago!

hope you like!

oh, also: would you believe me if I said this photo is NOT POSED? she just picked up that record all on her own.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

i am a hypocrite

*Why I Stopped Trying to Make My Daughter be Pretty*

if i dream of a world where my daughter will not be objectified, a world where she is valued for her intelligence and kindness rather than for her appearance, why oh why do i wish and hope and pray on my knees for her to be pretty? beautiful, even?

maybe because i know what this world is like, and wouldn't want her to deal with everything that comes with being labelled 'ugly'; maybe because i'm a product of my environment, and i am just another person who values women for their physical attractiveness over their other virtues, or maybe I am just a hypocrite.


Thursday, September 27, 2012

on co-sleeping

the world of motherhood is as confusing as it is exciting. there is so much information out there and a lot of it is conflicting and most of it is general guidelines. but every family has a different needs, no?

so: co-sleeping. we did it at first. my mom was kind of horrified by the idea but i liked what i read and even if i hadn't read anything about co-sleeping, once i had that teeny tiny baby in my arms i couldn't even imagine putting her little body in a big scary crib to sleep, so she slept with us.

the first week or two she only slept on me. i was exhausted and nursing A LOT (as tends to be the norm with newborns) so i would nurse her in a sitting up/semi-reclined position and just fall asleep holding her. boy oh boy, was my back ever sore! but it worked for us! i wasn't worried about dropping her or rolling over onto her because, well, i just wasn't. and sure enough, every time i woke up, there she would be in my arms and everything would be hunky-dory. (aside from, you know, being in pain, always. and exhausted. and crying through feedings because it hurt *so much*.) it should also be noted that we had an *arm's reach co-sleeper* all set up, but it's main purpose at this point was holding spare blankeys and (cloth!) diapers.

after about four weeks i (finally) got a hang of the ol' side-lying nursing position, and it changed my life. for real. I COULD SLEEP AGAIN. and sleep i did, with my little rosebud nestled into me. when she needed to feed, she just did!!! i wouldn't even wake up all the time, which was glorious. a feeding every few hours was no longer a painful and torturous endeavour. at this point i pretty much figured everybody who didn't co-sleep must be insane. i was still waking up often, but not having to move made it okay.

sometime between two months and three months postpartum, i began to feel, well, healed, and b. and i were feeling the need for a little bit more intimacy, and that's when that co-sleeper REALLY came in handy. i would transfer rosie over after nursing her to sleep and that would allow us to sleep as we normally would without her little body right there, but she still *was* right there, which was the beauty of it all. she would inevitably wake up at some point during the night and end up back in bed with us, but hey, you take what you can get, right? and we loved her little baby snuggles all the more.

fast-forward to about two or three weeks ago. i read that if you don't get your babe out of your bed by six months, they often don't make the transition until two or three years. i was a little worried. was i ready for that much of a co-sleeping commitment? worried as i was, i wasn't really strongly considering making a change. Then B. says, why don' we just try her out in her crib, just as an experiment? we'll just see how it goes.

verdict? it was no big thing. I think it was harder on me than it was on her. rosebud sleeps super well in her crib. she usually goes down between 930 and 1030 and wakes up anytime between 6-8. i feel we are still inherently connected. I used to have to set 3 alarm clocks when i was working he morning shift because i would sleep through not one, but two alarms. now, i just kind of jolt awake and then sneak into her room to find her smiling and playing in her crib in the morning light. it's adorable! and validating! and then, guess what? i take her back into bed with me and we snuggle for another couple or few hours, she nurses, i kiss her little head, B. dotes on her, we all share smiles and we get a couple more z's in while we can. and it's AWESOME.

am i taking sides in the bedding debate? AU CONTRAIRE! if there is (and there is) a moral to this exceedingly long and boring to anybody but me story, it's that you should just follow your instincts. they're usually pretty okay.

i wanted to be a co-sleeping mom. and i was. and guess what, i still think i am, because those morning time hours are precious and priceless, and rosie seems content and thriving, so we must be doing okay! sometimes experience, personal, lived-in experience means more than anything you read or hear.

the end.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


and for today's bonus post, MOTION-312 WAS DEFEATED IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS TODAY! which is a huge victory for the reproductive rights of women in canada. thank god!


rosebud is five months old. she can almost crawl but sometimes gets frustrated when she realized she's just not quite there yet. she rolls from back to front and front to back but sometimes just forgets how to go from front to back and gets frustrated then, too. nothing scooping her up and giving her a cuddle doesn't fix, though.

our room-mate recently got a dog and she just loves animals, especially his dog, dingo. almost every time dingo comes near she breathes heavily from excitement and giggles as dingo sniffs at her. dingo can stop her from fussing by entering the room. she loves the kitty, too, but the kitty is a little less stoked on her, so they haven't really bonded yet the way dingo and rosie have.

she loves lots of kisses, especially on her hand and her chubby little tummy.

she still loves music and dances, often in time to the music, when in her jolly jumper.

and her smile could brighten the darkest of days.

oh, and today me and auntie hannah fed her BEETS! I know you are supposed to wait until 6 months, but she is showing a lot of interest so i have been giving her tastes. she held the spoon herself and lunged forward, gobbling down all that beety goodness.

and then there are those days when rosebud doesn't nap and is a bit of a fuss pot all day long. I don't want to complain because, by the sounds of it, rosie is a pretty laid-back, low maintenance baby, but i still have those days where all i can think to say is: ALRIGHT, I'M DOING MY BEST HERE, OKAY!?

so here's to some of the best and most challenging days of my life. i love you, little bud.

Monday, September 24, 2012

growing pains

today we went to visit our dear dear friends, just three days after the birth of their little guy, clarence. (they came to see us in the hospital when rosie was just one day old, immediately after they found out they were having a boy!) The minute we got in the door i burst into tears. happy tears for them, because i was so happy to see this of this perfect little being and the way they were transitioning from a couple to a family. I know that feeling! it's a good (if overwhelming) feeling!

but also tears of sadness, because meeting little clarence made me realize HOW BIG ROSEBUD IS! she is SO BIG! through my tears I looked at b. and said, "see, i told you she's not little anymore!"

and so, despite it being one of the happiest of occasions, my heart broke just a little bit today.

clarence with his daddy and rosebud with me!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

that awkward moment...

that awkward moment you find yourself rubbing your belly (as you did when you were with child) and not only are you no longer pregnant, but your baby is almost five months old!

not i'm going to watch armageddon, because that's what i do when B. is out of town!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

5 songs to sing to a baby

something about "blossom of snow may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever" just resonated with me. what can i say, with a baby girl named roseud, OF COUSE floral imagery speaks to me! plus *the sound of music* is one of my all time favourite movies.

i love these canadian female folk heroes and this song reminds me of our pregnant tour days. and on days where i'm feeling cabin fever-ish it reminds me how sweet life is with the ones you love. "i don't want to leave you, i love you through and through"

because some miracle brought her love to me. and i LOVE sam cooke.

the beatles at their best! Rosebud LOVES jolly jumping to this one!

i know three out of the four of these ladies and they are awesome. this song is about a love interest but who knows, you COULD sing it to your baby too. right?

Saturday, September 15, 2012


have you ever had a baby so darling and so dear, with such wonderfully long eyelashes, that you just wish you could put mascara on them just once *just to see how they would look*?

i do. wonder, i mean. every day.

but you know, mascara is probably pretty harmful, especially for little baby eyes, and besides, the idea of putting mascara on a little baby girl is pretty unsettling, no?

PS. My camera is pretty decrepit, so this is about the best picture you'll see of rosie's eyelashes. it does them no justice.

PPS. it is raining tonight and it sounds wonderful.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

rosebud at 4.5 months

rosie. oh, rosie

i missed rosie's 4 month birthday. i was away visiting my family on vancouver island and, well, they live far away and i'll be damned if i was going to spend that time on the computer.

i wasn't. i was going to spend it with my loyal, caring mother, my quirky, beloved father and my vibrant original partner in crime, my brother.

but for the sake of posterity, here is rosebud at four-and-a-half months!
rosebud, my sweet chubbalub, the twinkle of my eye, my get up and go and my star of the show.
four months was a big milestone! you rolled over a week or so before your four month-day and once you hit that special day, we couldn't put you down without rolling over... and getting stuck! you are so determined, my little bean. and every day you amaze and bewilder us with your communication! you are so so interactive and just love having our attention. one of us will do, but two is better, right bud? Now you're really REALLY rolling all over the place! you can practically sit up by yourself! i cry when i think about how big and grown up you are!
you can stop now, okay?

all good natured and looking like her daddy. sigh.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

i really DON'T want to miss a thing!

I usually tell only close, non-judgey freinds this, but here i go telling the world.

my favourite movie OF ALL TIME is *armageddon*. I cry EVERY TIME!
for one thing, i just love cheesy action movies. the other thing, though, is that i was a bit of a daddy's girl growing up.

My dad was in the military when i was a kid and, although he was an air force man, he worked on the helicopters that were on naval ships for a long time and use to go away A LOT. we always got by alright but i was just a little kid and some days i would wonder if m daddy would ever come back. something about the scene with liv tyler and bruce wllis saying their final goodbyes on the screen really gets me going. as in bawling. i've seen the movie countless times and i'm seriously talking every. single. time. embarassing, i know. i also happen to find ben affleck mega dreamy. i don't care what you think.

thing is, i remember people saying that it was a touch creepy that liv tyler's own father, steve tyler sings the love theme for the film (and she appears in the aerosmith video.) i never really found it creepy. my attitude always was, you get a gig, you do the gig. ever a musician's wife, i guess.

then b's brother's wedding happened. and *i don't want to miss a thing* came on. it was one of the few moments at the wedding reception that i was actually holding rosie. let's just say she is one popular baby. i though nothing of it and started slow dancing with her, when my epiphany hit. for one thing, there is certainly a romance between liv tyler and ben affleck in *armageddon*, but really it's a sub-plot. the real story revolves around the complicated yet loving relationship between liv tyler and her on screen dad, bruce willis. the other thing is, *i don't want to miss a thing* is NOT a romantic love song, but a love song from a parent to a child. i was hearing it through new ears. and tears were streaming down my face. rosie's dress was soaked. all sorts of extended family members were most likely giving me confused looks. rosebud was feigning indifference. i was oblivious.
and that's how *I don't want to miss a thing* became our song.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

feminism in motherhood

i have been reading and thinking a lot lately about one aspect of motherhood in general: feminism. no, they are not mutually exclusive, but, for me at the very least and i'm sure for countless other women, bound and intertwined.

how to i teach feminism to my daughter? how do i ensure that she grows to become an intelligent and self-aware woman who knows her boundaries and respects herself. How can i help her create for herself a fulfilling future? how can i instill a confidence in her that doesn't require the shaming of others?

and for now, how do i nurture my beautiful, inquisitive baby girl while still prioritizing myself and my needs?

so far, i don't have any of the answers to these questions. i am only doing my best. (is my best good enough?)

these are themes i really hope to touch on in this dear old blog of mine. the title of my blog is a play on words meant to invoke the rock and roll spirit and lifestyle, but is also about rocking the boat: asking hard questions and maybe voicing some not so popular opinions. I'm still working on truly articulating my feelings and simply trying to keep up a fairly good quality, interesting blog, but i hope as i grow these subjects will come into play more and more often and my blog will be more meaningful than just a few poorly lit family photographs. (i mean of course, meaningful on a worldly scale, after all, what could be more meaningful to me and my family than the very moments captured in those photos?) i want to touch peoples lives and inspire productive thinking.
stay tuned.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

rosie waltzes

i'm expecting to be MIA for awhile. Blake and I are going out of town on sunday for his brother's wedding, and i am soo excited! until then, though, i have a lot of things to get done around the house and while we're there we'll be very busy. quite honestly, i'm still not used to this blogging all the time business (i'm trying!) so i'll just do the best i can and not give myself too hard of a time about it.

to tide you folks over for awhile, here is a video chronicling rosie's very first time in her jolly jumper. she doesn' really understand how to jump just yet, but for a few bars of this video, she does a near perfect waltz. go rosebud!

Friday, August 3, 2012

next step to freedom!

so yesterday for the first time ever, rosie took a bottle. like actually took it. like took the nipple into her mouth and actually sucked! I have given her a bottle from time to time with limited success. as in, i've had to literally squeeze tiny amounts of milk into her mouth and wait for her to swallow, and then repeat.

I'd heard from various sources that some babies are picky about bottles and their respective nipples and that you just need to find the right bottle. given my meagre parental benefits cheques, i was reluctant to go out and buy every bottle on the market, bt yesterday I was at winners and they had one for sale, so i decided to go for it. and hail mary full of grace, it worked.

so here, against all odds, is one tiny step toward freedom. don't get me wrong, i plan on breastfeeding for as long s i can possibly manage, but here's to the odd night out with the girls, here's to babysitters and maybe going for an occasional lunch with a friend sans baby, and here's to the possibility of me finishing my degree in the foreseeable future! here's to happy motherhood, contented mother and child and just a touch of freedom.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

nineties teenagers

as you all know, i have a funny little habit of watching tv while nursing. i'm not exactly proud of it and would probably feel a lot better about doing something like reading books instead, but i've tried that and nursing just seems to make more sense logistically. if only i had an ereader!

my former program of choice was Masterchef Australia and I loved it until the end, but when the season finally wrapped up, I had no idea what to watch. I was looking for something that would be a guilty pleasure and somewhat self-indulgent. hey, if i'm going slumming in tv land i might as well go all the way, right? I love programs like AMC's *The Walking Dead* or HBO's *OZ*, but during nursing time i didn't want anything violent. I've never been one to watch these new reality show programs like housewives of wherever or *jersey shore* and i'm pretty consistently nostalgic for the nineties. something about being a kid and looking at teenagers in awe thinking that one day i would be a teenager just like them! Thing is, i was a teenager in the oh-nos and i never got to be that nineties teenager i always thought i would be. therefore, my choice of nursing program was narrowed down enough that my choice became clear.

my mom never ket me watch it when i was growing up! this is finally my chance to find out who ends up with whom! i'm unreasonably stoked.

anybody else out there have any guilty pleasures you care to share? i'm interested!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

baby blues v. 2.0

oh my goodness oh my goodness.

my sister-in-law sweet marie sent rosebud a whole whack of baby girl clothes from thailand... just take a look at rosie in her new dress. those baby blues!!!

ps. feeling much better than the other day. i knew it would pass!

Monday, July 30, 2012

dog days and baby blues

the dog days of summer are upon us.
actually, it's not as hot as it has been, so why am i complaining?

It's just that the days are starting to drag on and most of the exciting things I was looking forward to for the summer are behind us. Our trip out west is still to come and for that i am SO excited, but even so, these last few days i have been in a rut. i'm not going to lie about it, either. some of it is due to the fact that slowly but surely i am starting to feel just trapped. rosie still won't take a bottle. we've tried a few times, possibly not enough, and she still doesn't really understand how to suck on the nipple of a bottle. it just eludes her. i love breastfeeding, but sometimes, god forbid, i just crave a little freedom. as a reformed party girl, i'm feeling the need to have just one night out on the town with some good friends and a few beers. just one night?

i feel like mom's are never supposed to make such declarations. doing so makes us seem self-indulgent, reckless and irresponsible, but i don't think that it should. I love my little bud and she is the most wonderful thing i could ever imagine, but i don't think women should be stigmatized for needing more than just motherhood to feel fulfilled. I know that this is just a typical mid-summer slump and i'll be over it in no time, but i just wanted to put an honest voice out into the world to say that it's okay to want to break free every once and awhile, just as long as you keep your priorities straight.
and now, i've got a dress to sew! for my brother-in-law's wedding... wish me luck!

Friday, July 27, 2012

3 months! (and one day... oops)

rosebud is three months old!

she is now over 14 pounds and almost two feet tall! she smiles more and more every day... except on the grumpy, serious days. she thinks she is a grown up and almost always wants to be sitting or standing up, except when nursing. she even tries to sit up on her own but can't do it and gets tired and frustrated, the sweet little bean.
she giggles sometimes and when she smiles she smiles with her whole face, eyes aglow and cheeks round and soft and pink like a peach.
her little hands are what really does me in. i love when i hold onto her and she grabs my shirt with one hand, or places her little hand on my chest.
why can't we bottle up that feeling and keep it forever? and that baby smell, ohhhh the smell.
keep on smiling, little girl, keep on talking. mama's listening.
(look at that little hand, fingers just tickling me ever so slightly as she looks at her world. oh, sweet little hand.)

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

camping trip!

Our camping trip was a success!

I think that one key to a successful camping trip with a new little one is taking your first venture into the wilderness to a friend's cabin or some place close to home - for us, it was the former. We went to a good friend of Rosie's Uncle Joe's place. His name is Brent and he has a beautiful little cabin south-west of the city that he shares with his brother. The cabin was great and having it there meant that we ate well and had running water and a flushable toilet accessible at all times. We didn't stay in the cabin, though (even though we could have!) We set up our little tent with an air mattress, a flannel sheet and two sleeping bags. It was lovely!

The fresh air made rosie sleep better than ever and we were free to stay up into the early morning having a few beers and hanging out with our friends without too much worry. We set up the tent far enough away that we didn't have to worry about being too loud but would most certainly hear her if she cried, but we made sure to check on her repeatedly through the night. B. and I still went to bed pretty early and we all had pretty much the best sleep ever. We even had the chance to go for a quick boat ride (a friend watched rosie for us, thanks!) and swim the next day!!! We'll definitely be doing this again, and soon!

here are a few choice photo's from what was one of the best camping trips ever!

(the nearby lake was called lac st. francois, and is part of the st. lawrence seaway. this part of the lake pretty much spans the quebec, ontario and US borders and is just beautiful. So clean, too! I sincerely hope to have the opportunity to be on it again, and soon!)